Our Adoption Story - Part 5: The Longest Week Ever
We woke up the morning after getting kicked out of the hospital and kept saying over and over, "Was that a dream?" It was a Thursday, so normally we would get up and go to work, but if you remember we told everyone at work about the girls and thought we'd be starting our parental leave. Hmmmm... Now we had no idea what was going to happen, so what do we do while we wait? My boss was super gracious and told me to work from home that day and said we could figure out next steps once we got word on what was going to happen next.
We ended up getting a call from our case worker to tell us that there was a court date set for the next Wednesday, and we should know then if we would bring the girls home with us. Until then, there was nothing to do but wait. WHAAAAT? A whole week to wonder if our life was about to be turned upside down or stay exactly the same?!? I could barely go 2 minutes without thinking about all the what if's and all the things we should be doing if we were bringing home twins.
Honestly, I think we could have driven ourselves mad that week, but we decided we weren't going to run out and buy two of everything and that we were going to do our best to enjoy what was potentially our last week of just the two of us. We had so many generous and gracious friends offer us baby stuff which was such a blessing! We got a carseat from a girl friend whose daughter had just outgrown it, and I tried to find a matching coming home outfit &
swaddle to the one we already had, but other than that, we tried not to go crazy getting two of everything until we knew. I knew that if things fell through, having 2 of everything in
my house would be way too hard, and then we'd have to figure out what to do with it all - so it was sort of a coping mechanism for me. We also didn't have names for both of the girls for most of that week, so we didn't call the girls by name during that week of waiting which again helped me not to get too attached yet.
I didn't really know how to pray that week - obviously we wanted to bring the girls home with us, but more than that we wanted what was best for them. I just kept praying that God's will would be done in this situation, and asked that God prepare me for whatever that was. If they were not meant to be our daughters, then give us peace about it and keep our hearts from getting too entangled and pave a way for something else to work out. If they are meant to be Hyatt girls, then make it happen and prepare our hearts to be parents. Throughout the week, I would try to step back and evaluate how I was feeling - more or less distant/more or less anxious - were we taking steps forward connecting with the idea of girls (ie. figuring out a name, finding that matching outfit ;), seeing things falling into place)?
That Friday, we both went into work. As you can imagine, people had questions - it was so hard to see the confused look on people's faces and have to figure out how to answer their questions while maintaining confidentiality in the situation and also truly not having answers to many of the questions they had. I'm so thankful for such a supportive team and boss who knew that if I wanted to talk about it, I would and didn't press for information. For the next few days as we waited, I pretty much hid and just worked on finishing up my bi-annual reviews and wrapping things up in preparation for going on leave. In hindsight, I am so thankful for that extra week for Dale and I to finish things up at work before going on leave - God is in the details.
That night Dale and I decided to do a date night of dinner and Christmas shopping since we
weren't sure when we'd have time for that in the next month if we brought the girls home! We walked into Carter's (just to look...ha), and they had two of the most adorable little plaid Christmas outfits in their size. My heart was torn - do I buy them and risk having to look at them later and have to come back to return them? We ended up getting them - it was the first thing we bought for the girls knowing who they were! Well... as you can see, we started getting attached. I can't tell you how many times I pulled up the pictures from the night we met them and just stared at them. Later that weekend we also came up with another name we liked which made it feel even more real - I could feel my heart opening more and more.
The next few days we tried to continue living and waiting, but Wednesday couldn't come fast enough. The night before our life group came over to pray in the nursery - we prayed that God's will would be done, not necessarily that the girls would come home with us, but that whatever was best for the girls would be the outcome of the court date the next day. We knew this could be our last full night's sleep for a while, but even still I stayed up late sitting in the glider in our empty nursery journaling about all the feelings I had going into the next day. No matter what the outcome, I didn't want to forget how I felt and what my hopes were. In it I wrote: I so want these girls to be our daughters, but ultimately we want what's best for them. We want them to know Jesus... I have been praying nonstop that God would move in this situation, for protection for the girls, and that He would guide my heart and prepare it for whatever is next...Tonight I feel more peace than I have any other day since learning of the twins. Thank you, God!
Wednesday was finally here, and let me tell you - I could not concentrate on anything. I kept subconsciously taking these weird deep breaths because I just couldn't catch my breath. I knew God was in control and He had a plan, but it felt so weird having literally NO control over the outcome, yet it having such a huge impact on our future.
We were texting with our case worker throughout the day, and these are the texts we received.
"Court is full, hasn't been heard yet. May be a while"
"Lunch break until 2:30"
"Still hasn't been heard, looks like it will be continued until tomorrow"
"Continued until tomorrow at 8AM, we are ready! still praying"
Are you serious?!? In the scheme of things one day is nothing, but when you are waiting to find out if you're going to be a mama it feels like FOREVER. All the while, we are getting texts and calls and prayers from our family and friends waiting to hear the news. Tomorrow... tomorrow would be the day.
That night we found out that our agency's attorney was going to be present for court the next day (which we later found out he woke up at 3:30AM and had his wife drive him to court so he could read the briefings on the case - it was a total God thing!) We went to bed again hoping this would be our last full night's sleep, and in the morning we continued to lift the situation up in prayer.
8AM came and went, so did 9, and then 10, and finally at almost 11 I couldn't take it anymore, so I texted our case worker and asked how it was going. Her response, "We won, Getting details"
Wait what? What does that even mean? Find out the details and what happened next in my next blog post!