Kind of random, but still cute.
One day Mother Nature walked by her desk and out of the drawers popped the heads of three of her very favorite creatures - ferrets. She scooped them up in her arms, hugging them and kissing them, and telling them how much she loved them! They all put cold, wet noses on her cheek and kissed her back!
"I've been trying to come up with a plan that will show the rest of the world just how sweet and adorable you all are," she said as she put them down. "Come, and let me show you what I have in mind."
The ferrets scampered after her, dancing joyfully around her feet. As they entered the living room, they saw a brightly colored basket, decorated and filled with all kinds of goodies!
"No reason Santa should have all the fun," she said with a warm smile. "What I have in mind is to fix up pretty baskets like this one and deliver them to good girls and boys all over the world...and who do you suppose I could get to deliver these baskets?" she asked the three prancing furfaces at her feet.
"Well, what do you think of the baskets?" she asked. But before the words were even out of her mouth, the furfaces were in the basket! The brown furface found a little yellow stuffed duck. He grabbed it, jumped out of the basket, and deposited it safely in his hidey-hole under the desk. The big white ferret found something that smelled sweet-like food! Yummy! He sniffed and scratched at one package after another! The little white ferret found heaven digging in the grass that filled the basket!
Mother Nature was shocked at this kind of behavior! "This is no way to treat an Easter Basket," she said with her hands on her hips! But the furkids did not notice - they were joyfully rolling wonderfully colored Easter Eggs backwards - between their legs across the floor!
"Oh Children, you are so silly!" Mother Nature said laughing. Then she started to hum...then sing!
"Here comes Furface Ferrettail hopping down the forest trail, Hippity, Hoppity Easter's on it's way!
"Yes, that's it!" she said. Let's see you all hop!"
"Hop?" the furkids asked.
"Yes, hop! Like you are so happy and full of joy to be taking these baskets to good girls and boys! Hop!"
So they did! Heads going one way, tails another! Dooking and clucking like you have never heard! Doink into the wall! Doink into the basket! And doink right into Mother Nature's legs!
"Dear me!" Mother Nature said, "This is just not what I had in mind at all! She sighed as she glanced out the window - where she saw a rabbit hopping gracefully amid the clover patch.
"Oh well," she said as she scooped the adorable little furkids up in her arms. "I will always love you best!"
And one by one, she tucked then in...one into his hanging cube, one into her soft, warm sleep sack, and the third into his blue suede corner hammock. The last thing they heard as they drifted off into a delightful ferrety sleep was the sound of Mother Nature's voice as she went outside...."Oh Mr. Bunny..."
And this explains why there is no Easter Ferret!
Happy Easter Everyone!
<<(written Easter 2001 - originally posted in FML issue 3737)>>
So, apparently the title page to my blog is empty, and has been that way for quite some time. I suppose I should add some content, but I really don't have anything of interest (or at least that I'd want to share on a public forum... don't want to tip people off as to what sort of fancy magic we're using at CramerIT).
So, here's some content, sort of related to a recent message at Stonebrook on gender differences.
I. Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $ 1.00
Total $21.00
-----
II. Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992).
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $25.00
Total-- $4150.00
-- But hey! You know the job was done right!
-=Russ=-
If any of the "Homeless Rock People" read this, how's that working out for you? I'm seriously considering just becoming homeless... it would be a lot easier. I'd need a place to park cars though.
-=Russ=-
There's something strangely satisfying about multiple mile wireless links with 0% error rates.
And for all practical purposes, I no longer exist in any given physical area. I'm just a sequence of showing up at specific places at specific times. Anyone have a large storage shed for rent? I see no need to pay absurd amounts of money for a "home" that I'm never at.
-=Russ=-