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September 27, 2004

Please Don't Forget

Conflicting emotions plagued my weekend. I watched my Grandfather kiss a strange woman after being pronounced man and wife just a short seven months after my Grandmothers death. I am sure that this brings no comparison with having a parent remarry soon after a death or divorce. For me though it was an otherworldly sight.

For twenty-four years I witnessed the love and relationship of my grandparents. They were inseparable so much so that one without the other seemed completely unnatural. In my mind they were one more than words can describe. After some fifty-seven years of marriage the lines that separated these two wonderful individuals had dimmed to a barely perceptible physical separation. Last February that hairline fracture was forever ruptured as my sweet Grandmother took her leave of this earth and was made perfect in the blink of an eye. I miss her smile, the smell of her cooking the thanksgiving turkey, and her soft warm hugs.

Now the remaining half cannot continue. The whole of his identity has changed. I was happy with him as he expressed his love and devotion to his new bride. But my mental image of him has not yet caught up with this new reality and I struggle with the emotional complexity.

So congratulations Jim, I pray that God gives you many more blessed years, but please don’t forget. Don’t forget the joy, the love, and the years. Don’t forget your daughters and don’t forget to realize that they lost their mother.

Posted by paul at September 27, 2004 09:47 PM

Comments

Hi Paul,

Our church has a mix of generations, which was a new thing for us when we came her about 10 years ago. I've seen situations here like the one with your grandfather -- widows and widowers marrying one another, and sometimes not that long after the deaths of their spouses. In each case, I think what it is, is that people are good friends for nearly their entire adult lives and when they find themselves alone, they find comfort in those friendships. There are at least two couples like that in our church and I can think of a couple others elsewhere in our town.

I don't know if that picture applies to your grandfather.

Another angle on this is that it's difficult for us children and grandchildren to not think of our elders in an iconic sense, perhaps. You know, like on a pedestal. It's difficult to think of them, perhaps, as men and women who crave companionship, just like us (you?) younger "hormonally active" people.

Just thoughts.

Genesis 3:8-9

Posted by: Dan Benson at September 28, 2004 07:51 AM

I think that you are exactly right. It has just been a shock to my system to see what I always considered to be half of a pair to be with someone else.

I think that it has been compounded by the fact that I met his new bride the day of the wedding.
And by the fact that he announced to the family that he was in a serious relationship less then 3 months after my grandmothers death and the day of her funeral.

But you are right. I know that he thinks that he probably has +-10 years left and he wants to spend that with someone.

Posted by: paul at September 28, 2004 10:28 AM

Paul, if it makes you feel better, I'm pretty sure he has more than -10 years left. I'll continue to be praying for all y'all.

Posted by: Pat at September 28, 2004 10:58 AM