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September 15, 2004
My Latest Triumph
I stood there immobilized and amazed by the choices arrayed before my eyes. This mission of gargantuan proportions had been entrusted to me as my fateful task and there was not time for disport. Coming from a distant land to find this auspicious local had been an Iliadian undertaking. I had to be indefatigable in my quest overcoming great obstacles and multiple terrors. This goal, this desire held aloft and at great price was the prize that I had been destined to win. Christie had sent me here. Trusting all into my care. To the place of the red circles to purchase an item so dear to her that all else grew ashen and cold in the brilliant glare of… shave gel. Please note that no specific gel was outlined, so the choice was solely up to me. The only element defined was to restrict myself from anything and all choices malodorous. So, not one to be deterred by options and as always considering myself to be a decisive person I plunged on. But wait! There was another wayfarer approaching my isolated isle. What was I to do! Ever so casually and imperceptibly I darted my eyes onto a more epicene product. Which I might add was not so easy in such a feminine isle such as I found myself. I let my head drift towards where my eyes had landed. “My these Gillette Extra Manly Shavers were oh so interesting with there 47 blades and sonic skin defibrillator ©” I almost exclaimed aloud. This interloper stalled while I languish over which cutting tool was indispensable for my ever so mannish chin and finally they were gone. I made a quick move and suddenly there in my basket lay the quarry. My feet moved unbidden hastening me towards the checkout lanes. Casting a sidelong glance at my prize reveal it as “soothing lavender”. “Ah a most ideal choice”, I thought to myself, “For her favorite color is purple”. The checkouts loomed nearer through the veritable barricade of advertising bricolage. Now my fate was in the sure hands of the checkout attendant. Would she price check my ever so perilous product? Or would I slip through unscathed by my hazardous charge. I picked a lane with a competent looking middle-aged woman with anything but the customer’s barrage of items on her mind. True to form the crucial gel careened down the belt and landed in a bag with the resounding bleep of the scanner and the flint face of my Target© savior never once implicated me in this crime of gender precarious qualities. My quest was over and my manly pride remained unshaken.
And now some vocabulary present in our story:
disport \dis-PORT\, intransitive verb:
To amuse oneself in light or lively manner; to frolic.
Iliadian \ill-lee-ADD-ien\, adjective:
A type of quest; mission of great import.
indefatigable \in-dih-FAT-ih-guh-bul\, adjective:
Incapable of being fatigued; not yielding to fatigue; not
readily exhausted; untiring; unwearying.
malodorous \mal-OH-duhr-uhs\, adjective:
Having a bad odor.
epicene \EP-uh-seen\, adjective:
1. Having the characteristics of both sexes.
2. Effeminate; unmasculine.
3. Sexless; neuter.
4. (Linguistics) Having but one form of the noun for both the
male and the female.
bricolage \bree-koh-LAHZH; brih-\, noun:
Construction or something constructed by using whatever
materials happen to be available.
~~~Thanks to http://www.dictionary.com for word descriptions.~~~
Posted by paul at September 15, 2004 06:31 PM
Comments
I noticed you mysteriously jumped to 1100 clicks on Mike Biangs site almost overnight. I wonder how that happened.....
Posted by: Bob at September 15, 2004 09:04 AM
nancy and i spent our date night click spamming mike's site.
Paul - thank goodness for microsoft word's thesaurus :)
Posted by: Matt at September 15, 2004 10:08 AM
i wonder, had achilles lived, if his wife would have ever sent him out for shave gel...i wonder if jennifer ever sends brad to retrieve such necessities...
Posted by: Autumn at September 15, 2004 10:31 AM
haha! that was hilarious! i read it twice just to make sure i got it all. glad to hear that your many pride still remains unshaken. :)
Posted by: leah at September 15, 2004 12:48 PM
Bob- I did not click myself up... er at least I didn't press the buttom 1100 times.
Matt- 1. great date idea. 2. I didn't use the thesaurus all that much :) (dictionary.com has a word of the day email...I have been saving them up.)
Autumn- Yes, yes and yes.
leah- sorry but it's "manLy pride". I also have "many pride" but that is hopefully continuously eroding. :)
Posted by: paul at September 15, 2004 01:39 PM
oops, i was typing fast in an effort to leave for my lunch break. i didn't re-read what i wrote before i posted it... bummer.
Posted by: leah at September 15, 2004 01:54 PM
I know. Just "joshin'" ya. :)
Posted by: paul at September 15, 2004 02:10 PM
The wedding ring should excuse you for buying feminine shave gel. Just make sure you hold it in your left hand.
Posted by: Megan at September 15, 2004 02:43 PM
I will have to say that shaving gel is one of the more benign feminine products you could be sent after. But then, you've only been married four months. Maybe your relationship hasn't progressed to that point yet ;)
Posted by: Matt at September 15, 2004 11:10 PM
Matt you took the words right out of my comment!! All I have to add is wait until you have children, guys, and see what your wife sends you after . . . and at what time of the NIGHT!!! Happy BC (that's Before Children)!!!
Posted by: Vanessa at September 15, 2004 11:23 PM
I know. I know. That's what Christie said. "There are other feminine products that would be much more embarassing." I'm just making a big deal out of it. I did buy her a purse once as a gift and that was before we were married. :)
Posted by: paul at September 16, 2004 08:58 AM
Women don't even like buying that stuff. At least I don't think so.
This blog also reminds me of my last trip to Target for necessities, upon which the bag spit open in the parking lot. B/c my haste to be less embarrassed, I am now one tube less of toothpaste that I already paid for.
Posted by: Heather at September 16, 2004 03:21 PM