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September 01, 2004
Approaching Marriage’s Single Singularity – Becoming One
Here I am just over my three-month monthiversary of marriage to my dear Christie. But our amicable relationship has grown towards an approaching moment for the past three months. We have watched ever so cautiously as the days have passed. Gingerly awaiting the inevitable. For others this may seem a trite and meaningless issue but for us it is paramount to disaster. For tied within the very fiber of this concern is the protoplasmic element in our blood, it is the stream of consciousness with which we operate our daily lives, and it is the finality in which we stamp out our very existence on this meager planet. I am running out of toothpaste. THAT’S RIGHT! No longer can I claim toothpastial independence from my beautiful caring wife. In a few short days my tube, the symbol of my independence, my singleness, and my very bachelorhood will be gone forever and resolutely I must start using the same tube as my wife. Now you may ask, “Is there some peculiarity in the paste that you choose that would cause strife between you and your beloved?” Nay, amazingly we choose a similar rather basic paste. But wait, I must take you back to those first days of independence, living as one separated from my parents I purchased my first tube of toothpaste. Claiming it as my own I squeezed it the way that I thought it should be squeezed, I kept the cap clean of dried nasty paste, and I stored it carefully in dark dry space. It was a triumph of my young life. I was eager for the thrills and excitement of it all. So now do I weep, do I wring my hands in agony? Nay, not so, I set my face like flint prepared for the future. I have made my peace with the paste and now will set my brush into the unknown with joy.
Thank you.
Posted by paul at September 1, 2004 06:28 PM
Comments
Oh, the small things in life that are disgusting, but for some reason make us happy!
Posted by: Heather at September 1, 2004 09:34 AM
that is hilarious!
when you said:
"I squeezed it the way that I thought it should be squeezed"
what exactly does that mean?
Posted by: leah at September 1, 2004 10:53 AM
Tony and I like different kinds of toothpaste, so we've kept separate tubes and not felt bad about it! Here's what I've wondered about couples that share a tube of toothpaste. When one of you travels somewhere overnight without the other, who will get the toothpaste? :)
Posted by: Kirsten at September 1, 2004 12:36 PM
leah-
I tube of toothpaste ought to be squeezed from the bottom as everyone knows. What is often unstated is that it should also be flattened so as to procure as much paste from the tube as possible.
Kirsten-
Christie's dad is a dentist so when we go on trips we use cute little travel sized tubes that he gets as samples. Also, we have never been on a trip seperately.
Posted by: paul at September 1, 2004 01:32 PM
you just got married, what is there to do alone?
Posted by: Angie at September 1, 2004 04:30 PM
I have an easy solution: stop brushing your teeth. You can keep that same, almost-empty tube of toothpaste, and with it, a shred of independence, forever.
Gross, yes, but free.
Posted by: Pat at September 1, 2004 04:55 PM
My wife and I had similar conversation the other day regarding scented body wash.
Slightly more sophisticated than yours. But that comes with age. ;)
Posted by: Different Dan at September 1, 2004 05:33 PM
Angie-
I think that I am missing the point of your question... um... completely.
Pat-
I like the gross/free decision. I can already guess which one you would choose. Thank God that you don't hug me.
Dan-
Glad that I can look forward to more sophistication. Btw, you use body wash?
Posted by: paul at September 2, 2004 09:46 PM
You're all missing the brilliant point of this post: the Singularity pun. When Paul and Christie begin to share a tube of toothpaste, they will enter a dimension where the laws of singleness no longer apply. They will defy mathematics and logic, transcend the space time continuum, cause angels to weep for joy and throw Satan into a cosmic snit.
That's what the mystical union of marriage does. What the Bible doesn't tell you is that, in our culture, the marriage isn't truly consummated until the couple merges body, soul and psyche by laying down their lives for each other regarding the shared tube of toothpaste.
Some of you may be wondering where the toilet seat (as in up or down) fits into this cosmology/theology. It comes right after the theory of which way the toilet paper goes on the rod (flap in or flap out).
Talk amongst yourselves.
Posted by: Kathy at September 3, 2004 07:49 PM
thanks for getting it kathy. :)
Posted by: paul at September 4, 2004 11:05 AM