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February 27, 2004
Tortured
Every time I close my eyes
Every time I stop and pause
It comes back like a thunderclap
And my mind reels with the horror
Metal rips into flesh
And as it slices an ugly gash
See the muscle and fat torn open
And the splatter of crimson blood
Marred more than any man
Scourged for my sin
The fatal images plague me
I shake and weep
Not because of a movie
But because it really happened
And because I believe
It was worse
Posted by paul at 10:01 AM | Comments (1)
February 24, 2004
100th post
So here are the stats:
100 posts and 344 comments obviously that 3.44 comments per post. Thats not bad for an out of the way site run by a know it all college upstart.
I have come along way since I recieved my 100th comment on October 09
Here are some high points:
Most Commented Posts
Complicated - July 28, 2003
Men vs Women - October 23, 2003
Point System - November 18, 2003
So I got a lot of theories... so I keep'em in the couch... - December 16, 2003
Most Controversial/Interesting Discussion
Questions? - February 10, 2004
A few Favorites
News Flash - December 24, 2003
Church vs. Radio - December 19, 2003 (No one really took this one seriously but I thought it was really cool)
The Quandry - December 13, 2003
My whole first month was great because I had time to post and ideas to post about. (Then August was a complete wash go figure) Sometimes I wish that I could re-post that stuff now that I have a more solid reader base. But you can go back and read it if you like.
Thanks for sticking with me through this journey. The good the bad and the uglyness of blogging! Hope to see you still reading in another hundred posts.
Posted by paul at 09:22 PM | Comments (2)
February 23, 2004
More Dating Advice
So here are some other examples beyond myself... (for those of you who know please feel free to correct me)
Those that dated before:
Matt and Nancy H.
Dated on and off for 4 or so years and decided that God wanted there lives so they broke up for a time and then started "courting"
Those that like to hurry up:
Both the Powers brothers (Dave and Derek)
Hurried through the whole process and got some sweet women all before they turned 20 or something like that.
Those that like to be rejected:
Tim and Kristen B.
He stalked her. She thought he was imature. He was. He asked anyway. She shot him down. (more then once) Persistance finally won her. It also helped that he grew up in the process.
Those that like mystery:
Josh and Dana C.
They got scared when they realized that they liked each other so they spent a month apart to pray. After that it was history (except for Josh's phone call to Dana's dad: "Hi, this is Josh I am Dana's... uh.. one of her friends... I mean... uh..Can I marry her?")
Those that like to take it slow:
Mark Bowen was engaged for 4 years.
Those that like pain:
Mark and Cathy D.
Cathy's parents laughed when they were told about the upcoming nuptuals and then refused to come.
Those that were hippies:
My own parents went birdwatching and played tennis at like 6am for their dates.
Those that are now staff:
Tony and Kirsten
She was on staff he was a hot young intern. They tried to stay away from each other and managed to do so. Until the next spring.
As you can see there are many ways to go about securing someone to grow old with. I mean really in the bible they invited a bunch of the young women to a bonfire, hid in the bushes, jumped out and took one home. Hows that for a courtship?
Posted by paul at 01:44 PM | Comments (10)
February 22, 2004
The Dating "Game" 3
So ok I need to hurry this up.
We both go to Florida and sparks fly from the first day.
My hope was to lead music with her again or be on the same project but neither happened.
I actually had to call her with no other pretended objective then to see how she was doing. That was scary!
So over the span of the summer we spent days off together and talked after LT sessions. All within the confines of a friendship and group activities. All the while I became more and more convinced that she was the one for me.
So I prayed about it. A lot. Then I prayed about it some more.
I got council.
Matt knew about it first.
I think that Adam O got the call next.
I told Tim and Doug before I went down.
Cliff knew about it from the beginning of the summer.
I called back Tim.
I reconvened with Matt at Staff Training.
I talked to both my parents.
I talked to my sister.
I talked to Doug when he came down for a weekend.
Through my Dad I got two of her pastors counsel.
That makes about 10 people including 4 pastors.
They gave me a green light. And she didn't know that I had any feelings for her.
I prayed some more. I put together six pages of bible verses on what God has to say about marriage, not getting married, and my vision for the future.
So on July 22nd I took her out to Friendly's for ice cream and a talk.
I asked her if I could start a more serious relationship with her. I called it courting. I said that if God continued to lead that the relationship would lead to marriage. And to my surprise she didn't even say well I'll think and pray about it.
She just said yes.
That was 7 months ago today.
We have disagreed. We have miss-communicated. We have apologized.
On Dec 23rd I asked her to marry me in the bitter cold of downtown Minneapolis.
She just said yes. (And had to remind me to put the ring on her finger)
Since then we have been planning the wedding.
We still haven't had a fight. And I think that we have a very healthy relationship based on our mutual desire for God, common interests, a shared (weird) sense of humor, and physical attraction. (I think she's hot)
So what do you think? I know there are a lot of conflicting theories out there. This is just my story of what worked for me. The bible doesn’t set down a specific way of doing this so there is wiggle room. What do you think will work for you?
Posted by paul at 03:45 PM | Comments (3)
February 21, 2004
The Dating "Game" 2
(The story of us… continued from yesterday)
So because of my technical prowess and intense emotional pineing I cleverly extract Christie’s email address from a general “hey what’s up” type of email sent from a common friend to a large number of x-Lters and therefore I start to email her. My emails are light and friendly with no real under current of emotion and to my surprise she answers with the same attitude. Hence starts 9 months where each of us play the cat-and-mouse game of emailing each other regularly at 10 day intervals.
Christie comes for Tony and Kirsten’s wedding. I stalk her and it produces a lunch with several others at the local Co Coast Chinese Restaurant.
Christie feigns at having something to do in the Twin Cities over Thanksgiving and through email invites my sister and I to “hang out”. Her and her younger brother come over to my parent’s house and we eat cookies and watch Gremlins.
We see each other at the Ignite conference in late December and sneak a fast food meal with a couple of common friends.
I am scared of her and my developing feelings.
February rolls around and I finally admit to Matt that I have feelings for Christie.
We keep emailing…
By the end of February I am shocked to get an email from Christie saying she will be going back to LT the next summer. I immediately get up and take an hour-long walk to ask God what in the world he is doing.
I trip through the next couple of months in bliss trying to minimize how much I look forward to her emails.
As I prepare for Lt in Orlando FL, and I feel the need to tell both Tim and Doug of my attraction. The both blow it off and assume that nothing will happen. (smirk)
In one of her last emails to me before the summer Christie asks me to pick her up at the airport and says that she assumes that we will be in the same project group.
I am so scared that I consider changing my name and moving to Kazakhstan…
(To be continued again)
Posted by paul at 02:29 PM | Comments (2)
February 20, 2004
The Dating "Game"
So because
A: Today marks 99 days until my wedding
and
B: Because no one seems to like posts on bible verses that resemble exhortative sermons
and finally
C: Everyone loves to talk about dating
I am going to devote a couple of entries here to my story and the stories of others. I know there are many that do not agree with the "gcm-approved" dating method. So I would like to open this up so that you can share your or someone else's story that worked but may have completely circumscribed the aforementioned method.
So here goes.... (The cliff notes version)
(Start whiny violin - fade to fuzzy flashback)
Two years ago I found myself going to Leadership Training in Colorado for the 3rd time. I still am not sure why I went other then the fact that most of those I was leading went.
Through an act of God I convinced those in authority to let me be a band leader (commonly referred to as worship leader).
The powers that be gave to me a certain female singer from Wisconsin to be apart of this fledgling musical creation.
(Enter Christie Gibson stage left a medium to short quiet young woman of 22 with chin length chestnut hair, large flashing intelligent eyes, and a voice so beautiful that it could certainly calm a horde of pillaging Vikings.)
Needless to say that I was immediately captivated.
All I needed to do now was to finesse her with my charm, rugged good looks and boundless wit. Actually all it took was for me to make a humorous comment to one of the balding speakers about a certain obscure biblical passage in Kings referring to some youths a female bear and Elisha’s bald head.
So we spent the next 3 months worshiping God together every week. And trying not to act interested.
Cutting out a lot of great tidbits of needless fluff we find ourselves at LT closing ceremonies. Christie sneaks a picture of me drinking from pitcher and I try several times to nonchalantly request her email address so that we can keep in touch but I fail miserably and retreat mostly out of fear. It seems as if we are destine to never see each other again…
(To be continued)
Posted by paul at 10:50 AM | Comments (5)
February 19, 2004
A Pair of Proverbs
So after a week of nonsensical posts on whatever popped into my head at the time I think that I will pass on something a little more meaningful:
Proverbs 19
20 Get all the advice and instruction you can, and be wise the rest of your life.
21 You can make many plans, but the LORD's purpose will prevail.
Wow, talk about a couple of sentences that can change your outlook on life!
The first one can seem trite but in reality if we make this a goal it will go a lot easier for us. If we simply listen to those that have gone before us I think that we will avoid many mistakes in relationship, ministry, and just overall life.
The second in my mind just comes back to humility. If when making a plan we merely realize this uncomplicated truth in humility we can again avoid the heartache of disappointment. God has control and he won’t “drop the ball” and he never says “oops I didn’t mean for that to happen”.
Posted by paul at 11:50 AM | Comments (1)
February 18, 2004
Have you ever thought about...
There are the classic debates between driveways and parkways and animal crackers (neither cracker nor cookie?) and what came first the chicken or the egg but really there are many more absurd debates in question. I will answer the question behind the question...
Q: What is the meaning of life?
But the more important question is why you can’t get a date?
A: Cut your hair, take a shower, and stop acting like an egotistical jerk and after that we’ll talk.
Q: Why is there air?
But the more important question is why are you so stupid?
A: No one really knows.
Q: Does God exist?
But the more important question is why would God not exist?
A: God would not exist solely for the purpose of tricking everyone. Which in itself is a contradiction much like our lives without the existence of God.
Q: Why did God create monkeys?
But the more important question is why did God create emus?
A: God didn’t create emus. He created monkeys and lamas. Again your confused.
And finally…
Q: Does pizza satisfy all four food groups and is therefore nutritious and should be eaten for all meals?
But the more important question is why you should eat anything else?
And to that I have no answer.
Posted by paul at 10:36 AM | Comments (4)
February 17, 2004
just base assumptions
coffee is better then tea (even chai)
football is better then baseball
no one inside the usa watches soccer
for the ladies:
daisies are more romantic then the typical roses (carnations suck)
fall is better then spring
I am still debating…
Bounty hunter vs. Ninja
I am not sure if I will ever solve that one.
Posted by paul at 10:25 AM | Comments (6)
February 14, 2004
Christie Gibson is #1
So in moving my blog to the lonestrangers domain I have lost the coveted #1 spot on google. I am no longer the #1 web site for news and information on Christie Gibson.
Maybe I can get it back...
Posted by paul at 11:30 PM | Comments (7)
February 13, 2004
Scott Stapp
Ok so everyone loves Creed and Scott Stapp right?
Well just now after browsing the links offered by relevant mag on how Scott wants to get a song in for Mel Gibson's The Passion I keyed in on a different note...
In the last paragraph Scott talks about wanting to act. Now I know I (or maybe Pat) should have called this long ago it still struck me as hillarious!!
Here is an except:
"Part of that enjoyment for him, Stapp hopes, will include taking a crack at acting. "I've been reading scripts for about eight years. You name the big directors and I'd kill to work with them. I'm just waiting for the right role. I'm being really selective. I don't want to look back later in my life and be like, 'Ah, I shouldn't have done that.' "
Posted by paul at 02:34 PM | Comments (7)
maybe not
since no one has any ideas on the last post...
I would just like to make it known that I did not change the links on the side of my site. All those new links and even the positioning of the links is matt's doing. He likes to go in and change the site when my back is turned.
So please note that I do not necessarily endorse the views of:
The Lone Strangers
Matt and Nancy Heerema
Pat Blair
Paul Johnson (funny how my name snuck into the list (ok so I do endorse my own views))
Heather Hanson
Dave and Mandy Powers
Angie Frerichs
Mike Biang
Dan Jones
Andrew Teply
Adam Omelianchuk
or (and maybe especially)
Matt Heerema's Tech Blog
Posted by paul at 01:23 PM | Comments (7)
February 12, 2004
Leadership
So in light of the recent discussion the next question that logically follows in my mind is this:
How can we be challenged in this area?
We obviously see a difinciency here with what we are called to do as Christians and also as leaders. We need our leaders to challenge us, we need to challenge each other, and we need to challenge ourselves to something more.
How in the world do we do that?
Posted by paul at 08:43 AM | Comments (0)
February 10, 2004
Questions?
So one has to wonder what state our student group is in when we call people together for a leaders meeting and see a response of between 50 to 70 people.
Couple this fact with our weekly attendance numbers at the Rock which have been at about 150 on a good night and you have an interesting situation on your hands.
Are the people that come to our leaders meetings actual leaders? What would our weekly Rock look like if these 50-70 people were actually leading out spiritually in their jobs, classes, and neighborhoods?
Posted by paul at 09:21 PM | Comments (10)
February 06, 2004
Snow Blind
I was traveling down good ol' Lincoln way on this beautiful snowy afternoon in my sporty Cutlass Cierra I noticed that the large pickup in front of me was slowing down, rapidly. The trucks taillights where partially obscured by the wet snow clinging to all of the vehicles.
So I slammed on my breaks and they instantly started to make this rhythmic crunching hydraulic noise. That means that my state-of-the-art 1994 anti-lock breaks where doing their thing. Sweet. Well I wasn't slowing down fast enough so being the conscious driver that I am I checked my rear view mirror and the right lane as I started pumping my breaks to contribute to the incredible stopping power of my anti-lockers.
Finally I hit real pavement. Luckily I was only going about 5 mph at this point so my car jerked a little and stopped. I checked my rear view again to see another pickup behind me also stop just in time.
I have half a second to catch my breath when I see the reason for this whole break pad cleaning near miss. An elderly person in a mid eighties Mercedes or Jag slowly turns left from in front of the truck ahead of me. I get half of a snort of disgust out when a red import comes shooting by on MY LEFT. Now realize that I am in the left lane at this point and so that means that the import is going the wrong way. For what reason I still don't know.
So the import just creams the back panel of the jag and spins it around and then barely limps out of the way of an oncoming car. Pieces of muddy snow and ice go everywhere and everyone stops. The elderly person seems shaken up but ok. I wish I could have stayed to hear what came out of their mouth when approaching the import driver.
It was pretty amazing. Anyway, that’s my story for today.
Posted by paul at 04:13 PM | Comments (3)
February 05, 2004
Here I am again...
Here I am again, on Gods work bench and he is teaching me the lessons of life. He lovingly and quietly removes the rotted, chewed, or discolored wood to reveal his master creation. At least I believe that I am his master creation.
He has been spending several months with different tools some small, some sharp, and others quick. But this time he reaches for a large flat tool. It is heavy and rather dull. He takes long slow draws, up and down. Boy I would much rather he went back to the short, sharp, small, stuff. But he keeps at it, blowing away the small crumbs of wood that he is creating. This is going to take awhile.
I am not sure how long this will take. I must say that it isn't fun, but all I can do is submit to his tool.
After a time I am sure that he will choose another and work on a different part of my life. He will hang that large flat dull tool back when it has completed this part of the work. He may choose it again in the future but at least for awhile I hope that he will give it a rest. And leave it there hanging under the small label patience.
Posted by paul at 10:47 AM | Comments (3)
February 04, 2004
Anonymous Readers
So again just the other day I was reminded of the anonymous reading public who chance by my little board every now and again (or maybe even more often than that) but simply never feel the need to post...
Are my thoughts so well fashioned and comprehensive that these so-called blog-grazers easily slither on to the next sumptuous morsel?
Or is it simply that my gramer and spleling are so horibel that they just can't seem to pul a conherient thought from this honking gibberish?
Maybe I should instigate a quest to bring these blog-grazers to integrity. To cause them so much astonishment and incredulity over the ideas pontificated within that they are literally forced and compelled to provide the obligatory counterpoint to my heedless logic.
Or perhaps I ought endeavor to comprise within a post as numerous vocabulary words as is achievable... Moreover, either approach should be appealing.
Posted by paul at 11:04 PM | Comments (2)
February 03, 2004
A Superficial Glut of Meaningless Drivel vol. 2
I don't like getting emails from the all rock list that say "I got a new cell phone". It makes more sense to me that the person just email everyone in their personal email list and then post it on the rock web site. Because really, if I have someone’s cell phone programmed into my phone then I am probably on his/her personal email list. If I don’t have his/her number programmed in then I probably don’t call or email them and don’t get calls or emails from them.
BTW Angie F just got a cell phone and I think that hell (as well as florida) just froze over... whats next Pat Blair getting a cell phone? Unlikely!
Doesn't Dave Powers have about 4 cell phones?
Posted by paul at 04:17 PM | Comments (4)
February 02, 2004
A Superficial Glut of Meaningless Drivel
Bad drivers annoy everyone else. What annoys bad drivers?
I like driving fast, in contrast I do not like driving slow. Imagine that. When returning to Iowa yesterday there where drivers going 10 mph. I know because I had to sit behind the cars going 15 mph as they passed those going 10. I was perfectly safe going 60 mph. Believe it or not it was a good test of patience.
These people would reach their destination faster if they stopped for the night, got a hotel, and finished the trip the next day!
Posted by paul at 04:12 PM | Comments (0)