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September 26, 2005
Lost
I thought I'd have another job by now.
I had my first thought today that I wish I was back in college. I never thought I would wish that, and certainly not so soon. But I miss the security of knowing that tomorrow will just bring more classes followed by more hanging out with friends.
I ordered the Finding a Carreer That Fits You workbook by Larry Burkett and Lee Ellis, some good Christian guys, a few weeks ago. I received it in the mail within a week and completed all 100+ pages of it in another week. Upon completion, I came to the conclusion that I should have majored in music. After all, I had decided to become a professional musician my senior year in high school.
So why didn't I? After about ten years of piano lessons, eight years of violin lessons, and seven years of trumpet lessons? (By the way, I am repeatedly asked which my favorite is, and I love them all uniquely. But my first love was the violin, and I do believe that it has the biggest capacity for expressiveness.) Because, after all those years, I was sick of them. I was sick of practicing, sick of the rehearsals, and even sick of concerts. I was especially sick of sitting in rehearsal for three hours every Sunday night with the evil conductor of the Omaha Youth Symphony, even though I had dreamed for years of playing in that very ensemble.
After all that time invested in music, any major other than music seemed extremely enticing. I was never really challenged in high school, so courses such as English and psychology sounded like a breeze.
So I took a four year break from music. With the small exception of three years of violin lessons (for which I seldom practiced), one year of Philharmonia, a semester of jazz band, and accompanying a good friend's jury performance.
Now I would give anything to audition for a symphony and make it. But I'm rusty. Just think where I could have been with four years of focused practice. I would even settle for teaching lessons, but I don't even think I'd be a good teacher right now.
When I think of this dilema I'm in, the phrase "forsaken your first love" keeps coming to mind.
So what do I do? I guess I find a job so I can afford lessons. Then maybe I'll work towards a symphony audition or teaching credentials.
But we're back to finding a job. I seem to be having very little luck in Ames. I have been hearing of openings at the Republican Party of Minnesota ever since I left my job. At first it was easy to dismiss them, but now they are becoming more enticing. But I was restless for four years in Minnesota, so I swore that I wouldn't go back.
No conclusions. Just listening to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack, wishing I could play violin like that.
Posted by Megan at September 26, 2005 09:39 PM