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February 23, 2005
Dear Graduating Senior
Recently, I received a letter in my mailbox. It reads:
Dear Graduating Senior:
Commencement, scheduled for May 29, is fast approaching and plans are being made for the commencement program. A special part of this ceremony is a brief address given by a member of the senior class.
On behalf of the Senior Speaker Selection Committee, I encourage you to consider this opportunity to address your classmates and their families...
Blah blah blah...
John Doe
Associate Dean of Students
Chair, Senior Speaker Selection Committee
I more or less knew I was going to have this opportunity. The CR chair last year and the year before had the same chance. My guess is that all the leaders of the student organizations get this letter.
I can think of several people who would be excelent speakers. I think I can tell you who will be the speaker.
Maybe I should at least submit an outline. Maybe if I thought I could come up with a nice way to wrap up every Senior's St. Olaf experience in a nice little box and hand it to them with a bow on top. Maybe if I could throw in a few cute St. Olaf jokes like an "Um ya ya" or something about Norwegian sweaters. Maybe if I thought I had learned one very important lesson in college. Maybe if I could say something that would make everyone feel extra special about graduating and remember the past four years fondly. Maybe if I had some words of wisdom that I thought people would actually listen to and possibly even remember after the ceremony was over. Maybe if I thought I had some special insight on the past or the future.
We'll see.
Posted by Megan at February 23, 2005 02:00 PM
Comments
The associate dean of student's name is JOHN DOE????????
wow, that's weird.
Posted by: Matt Heerema at February 23, 2005 03:26 PM
Names were changed to protect the innocent.
Posted by: Megan at February 23, 2005 03:40 PM
I would submit a speech about all the great times you've had (falling on the ice, going to Blues Traveler with your brother, his roommate, and his roommmates fiancé, for all of whom you had illicitly acquired student tickets, etc.) and the two things you learned at St. Olaf.
1) It's freakin' cold up here.
2) (Launch into an in depth speech about the principles of conservative economics and the importance of a free market. Make it very clear that you were a near Marxist before coming to school, and only the fine faculty at Olie were able to sway your opinion. Find a Reagan bobble-head to place on the podium while you finish your speech).
3) War - what is it good for? Absolutely nothing? Good grief, it's good for something: spotting the traitors in our midst! (segue to)
Conclusion: I'd like to thank the university administration, faculty, and staff for such a fascinating educational experience. Now I'm moving to Iowa.
Amen.
Posted by: Pat at February 25, 2005 09:22 AM