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February 27, 2005
South Park Megan
I stole this idea from Pat. Originality is overrated anyway. However, as you will notice, my hair appears to be a little too 'original' for these programs. Thus, I will suggest that you, my beloved reader, voice your opinion for the most accurate version of...
South Park Megan!
Version 1
Version 2
Version 3
Don't forget to vote for your favorite!
Posted by Megan at 07:27 PM | Comments (5)
February 24, 2005
Lego Megan
Matt blogged on this site, and it's too great to pass up!
Presenting... Lego Megan!
(Can you believe there was no curly hair? I feel discriminated against!)
Also... Lego Princess Leia!
And finally... Lego Some 80s Punk!
Posted by Megan at 02:54 PM | Comments (2)
February 23, 2005
Dear Graduating Senior
Recently, I received a letter in my mailbox. It reads:
Dear Graduating Senior:
Commencement, scheduled for May 29, is fast approaching and plans are being made for the commencement program. A special part of this ceremony is a brief address given by a member of the senior class.
On behalf of the Senior Speaker Selection Committee, I encourage you to consider this opportunity to address your classmates and their families...
Blah blah blah...
John Doe
Associate Dean of Students
Chair, Senior Speaker Selection Committee
I more or less knew I was going to have this opportunity. The CR chair last year and the year before had the same chance. My guess is that all the leaders of the student organizations get this letter.
I can think of several people who would be excelent speakers. I think I can tell you who will be the speaker.
Maybe I should at least submit an outline. Maybe if I thought I could come up with a nice way to wrap up every Senior's St. Olaf experience in a nice little box and hand it to them with a bow on top. Maybe if I could throw in a few cute St. Olaf jokes like an "Um ya ya" or something about Norwegian sweaters. Maybe if I thought I had learned one very important lesson in college. Maybe if I could say something that would make everyone feel extra special about graduating and remember the past four years fondly. Maybe if I had some words of wisdom that I thought people would actually listen to and possibly even remember after the ceremony was over. Maybe if I thought I had some special insight on the past or the future.
We'll see.
Posted by Megan at 02:00 PM | Comments (3)
February 19, 2005
How to Ride in an Elevator
Our first assignment for Creative Non-Fiction Writing is an essay in the second person. Such an essay is written with 'you' doing the action as opposed to 'I' (first person) or 'he/she/they' (third person). My essay is a variation on my entry from this summer, And Now for Something Completely Different:
How to Ride in an Elevator
Enter a tall downtown office building through the revolving doors. Nod at the doorman with the white gloves. Hold your head high despite your paranoia that he knows you don't work in the building, and suppress your imagination when it begins to conjure up images of him radioing the police, fire department, and SWAT team at your intrusion. No matter that you're only trying to meet your dad for lunch.
Head directly to the middle of the six sets of elevator doors, and press the up button. Refuse the urge to tap your foot as you stare up at the set of floor numbers. Cross your hands behind you. Watch as the numbers illuminate one at a time in descending order. Cross your hands in front of you. Calculate how old you will be when the car reaches the ground floor.
When the doors finally open with a ding, enter the car and sigh with relief. When you notice a gentleman in a suit hurrying to make it into the same car before the door closes, reach for the door open button. Not only are you polite, you are sympathetic to the amount of time and patience consumed by summoning your own car. Unfortunately, the buttons are arranged in a different order than they had been on the elevator in your college dormitory. On this elevator, the call button is located exactly where you were accustomed to seeing the door open button.
When you accidentally press the call button, chaos ensues. Inside the car, a buzzer blares and red lights flash. The gentleman makes it into the elevator by sticking his arm between the closing doors, but is soon sorry he did. The car automatically dials the operator, and when she answers, the elevator plays a recording:
"Elevator emergency, Plymouth Building, car three." The gentleman sends various odd looks in your direction, as if you are not flustered enough.
The car finally stops at floor five, and the suited gentleman exits the car, looking annoyed. You finally locate the call cancel button, but it seems to be too late, because pressing it does not bring any results. Hurry off onto the fifth floor even though you wanted the seventh. Duck into the staircase until the gentleman disappears behind one of the office doors. Realize how dirty and creepy the staircase is, and rush out before you get attacked.
Stand in front of the six sets of elevator doors and wonder what to do. There are probably cameras in the cars, and the doorman will call in the National Guard, which will soon be storming the building in search of you. When the doors of another car open and someone else gets off, press the up button instead of just standing there looking like a moron. When car three stops, turn and walk away in the other direction.
Return to the elevator doors for another try. Push the up button and try to shake the feeling that you're playing the slots. Give thanks when the doors to car two open. Press the button for floor seven. Discretely search the car for cameras as the doors close. Try not to panic when three seconds have passed and the car has not moved. Take a deep breath when four seconds have passed and the car remains motionless. After five seconds, lunge for the door open button and beat it repeatedly until the doors open.
Rush back out onto the fifth floor and force yourself to stop hyperventilating. Climb the two flights of vomit-spattered, cigarette butt laden stairs while avoiding the hand railing. Exit the stairwell on the seventh floor. Swear to everything holy that you will never set foot in an elevator again.
Posted by Megan at 09:43 PM | Comments (0)
February 16, 2005
Really Bad Joke
Q. What do you get when you combine the ISU mascot and the patron saint of my college?
A. The perfect storm.
Posted by Megan at 01:23 PM | Comments (5)
February 11, 2005
Oh Hill
St. Olaf College is located atop a fairly decent-sized hill. This contributes to the numerous oddities of the college by resulting in the campus being referred to as "The Hill," year-round gale-force winds, and a remarkable opportunity for sledding.
I have never experienced sledding on The Hill myself, largely because of my distain for the cold, though rumor has it that the cafeteria trays make fine toboggans. Some of my friends drafted a list of things they want to do before they graduate, and sledding was one of the activities included. This made me decide that perhaps one such excursion might make my experience at St. Olaf more complete. I resolved to sled at least once during this final year.
My window looks out on a slope that leads down to one of the student parking lots. A path cleared in the brush provides a shortcut to the lots. It is frequently traveled, because to go around on the sidewalk would be about three times the distance. Now that the path is coated with ice and snow, however, it has provided me with a source of sick entertainment. Sitting at my computer, I can't resist the sense of morbid curiosity when I notice someone head hesitantly down the path. I have to watch. Almost all of them end up on their rears at least once.
I was served with a large helping of retribution this afternoon. I took the longer, safer, more sensible path down to my car. My errands took longer than expected, however, and before I knew it I was late for meeting my friends for dinner. I had to stop at my dorm room to deposit my purchases, so I headed up the treacherous path with dread.
Grocery sack in one hand and fridge-pack of diet Coke in the other, I tiptoed my way up, choosing snow over ice as often as possible. I made it halfway without incident, but I became overconfident too soon. The path narrowed to a well-packed sheet of ice with trees on one side and a relatively steep downhill slope on the other side. I saw that the slope was snow while the path was ice, so I tried to balance on the slope side of the path.
Soon, however, one foot began to slowly slide down the path. My options then were to A) do the splits, which I cannot physically do, or B) sit down. I opted for the latter, and I was able to do so gently since I had been moving cautiously, but I did not stop sliding. So there I was, sliding down the hill on my rear, feet first, shopping bag and Coke still on either side of me. This was not exactly how I had imagined my sledding experience, but hey, I'm open-minded.
Five to ten feet later, I slowed to a stop. Carefully, I stood up. Not two steps later, however, the exact same process repeated itself, and I slid the rest of the way down the hill. Ending up at the very bottom, I headed up the opposite side and end up climbing through a thick row of brush to get the complete opposite side of my dorm.
I wonder how many people got a hearty laugh watching that spectacle out their window. I would have been rolling on the floor. But sliding down the hill wasn't too bad either.
Posted by Megan at 10:19 PM | Comments (6)
Galway
I finally loaded my Ireland pictures onto my computer. I plan to put a few of them on my blog at a time to prevent painfully slow loading. For starters, here are a few pics of Galway including Christmas lights adorning the streets, a bagpiper, myself with a pint of Bulmers (a cider that I found to be much more palatable than Guinness), and Taffees pub.
Posted by Megan at 12:20 PM | Comments (3)
February 08, 2005
Last First Day of Classes
And what a day it was. I'm beginning to believe that they let you graduate once you realize what a joke college is. And when they realize you're starting to figure it out, they make less of an effort to conceal it, so that by your last semester it's completely out in the open.
I have two of the same Profs as last semester. My poetry Prof is now teaching me Advanced Creative Non-fiction Writing. (Sounds to me like someone needs to teach whoever named that class how to take it easy on the modifiers.) My mass media Prof is teaching me mass media part dos. (And I have a fresh face for my Journalism Prof.)
Class 1 - the Writing one, or ACN-fW, at 9:30 AM. Prof has grown a bushy beard, I note. Could he be more eccentric? We go around the room talking about things we could write about. He doesn't have the syllabus done, but wants ideas for good essays to read by 8PM tonight. We're done with class by 10:00 AM, even though it's supposed to last until 11:00 AM.
Class 2 - mass media part dos. Five minutes go by. No Prof. I take out my notebook and a pen. Ten minutes gone. Still no Prof. I put my notebook and pen away again and get ready to leave. A slightly more ambitious student heads downstairs to check the Prof's office for signs of life. She returns with the Prof, who looks slightly frazzled, and states, "This is really interesting. I have this class scheduled for next period, and you all have it scheduled for this period." He then realizes that there is no chance in changing it, because he is vastly outnumbered. He asks for a few more minutes, and heads back down to his office with a "Lord have mercy." He returns an additional 10 minutes later, announcing that the registrar screwed him (he now teaches 3 classes in a row), to which I cannot help but reply, "Join the club." He spends 5 more minutes attempting to make the document camera work so he can project the syllabus since the secretary hasn't finished copying them yet. He gives up. We waste a few more minutes. The secretary brings the syllabus, which is startlingly ambiguous and includes a course packet which is not ready yet. We listen to the Prof talk, which he is amazingly good at doing, for the rest of the time.
Class 3 - Journalism. The Prof reminds me of a cross between Barbara Boxer and my 3rd grade teacher. That is all I have to say about that.
After my classes, I proceed to the bookstore to purchase my textbooks. As I search the shelves for the first one, my media studies Prof walks up.
"You come here for fun?"
I mumble something about good times and blowing my money on books.
"I finished the reading list for the packet." He shows me a reference page full of authors and titles. I glance at it and half-heartedly fake some interest.
He points to the last author on the list. "I'll be interested to hear your thoughts on this one. He's a Marxist."
"Oh."
"I don't agree with everything he says, but he has an interesting perspective."
"Okay."
He turns away, and I spot the book I need.
"What class is that for?"
"ACN-fW."
"Ah. I've heard of that book."
"Good things?"
"Yeah."
"Good, good."
We wander our separate directions, and I'm left wondering if he really admires my intellect enough that he is indeed looking forward to my thoughts in the class, or if my conservative perspective is simply so rare on this campus that I am a token of sorts, and being extremely open-minded in comparison to most other Professors at this college, he is eager to milk me for the "alternative" way of viewing media-related issues. Whatever. It's been a long day, and after three classes I'm done thinking.
I'm off to a mardi-gras get-together, but first I need some help deciding on how I should observe Lent this year:
A) Give up chocolate.
B) Be a better Christian; give up all sweets.
C) Give up carbonated beverages, for the love, you know you have a bad Coke habit, even if it is diet.
D) Give up alcohol, even though you should be living up your last semester of college, because God will bring you to judgment for it (Ecc. 11:9).
E) Don't give up anything, fasting is over-rated, and besides, you gave up American food for a whole month, and that is worth a year of Purgatory.
F) Add something to teach yourself discipline, like a daily quiet time, only actually stick with it this time.
Anyway, I promise to post the Ireland pics once I have Windows reinstalled and my computer is more than 42% functional, which should be soon.
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Quote of the Day: "I like words." -Mass media prof, after assigning the glossary of our textbook as reading for the next class.
Posted by Megan at 06:50 PM | Comments (2)