"Ultimately our gift to the world around us is hope. Not blind hope that pretends everything is fine and refuses to acknowledge how things are. But the kind of hope that comes from staring pain and suffering right in the eyes and refusinng to believe that this is all there is. It is what we all need - hope that comes not from going around suffering but from going through it. I am learning that the church has nothing to say to te world until it throws better parties. By this I don't necessarily mean balloons and confetti and clowns who paint faces. I mean backyards and basements and porches. It is in the flow of real life, in the places we live and move with the people we're on the journey with, that we are reminded it is God's world and w're going to be okay."

Before:

After:

A Few Things Learned During Construction of my Basement

1. I will never do the drywall of any of my own construction again. It took us two weeks to do what could have been done in 2 days

2. When working with sub-constractors (i.e plumber, electrician) always give yourself more time that you think. By God's grace the first time around they all showed up on time, but my electrician would not answer or return my calls at the finish.

3. Don't plan on passing inspections the first time through. I failed both my rough-in and my final the first time through.

4. Good friends that are willing to help are worth their weight in gold.

5. I can plan the next day's work and sleep at the same time. For the first week or so I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking about all that needed to get done.

6. The same people work at the same time every day at Lowe's. And Lowe's opens at 6:30 am which allows for material runs before work.

7. The employee discount from my work is a huge blessing.

8. I will never try to do a project of this size in that short of time again. It was a bit too stressful for my liking.

Before:

After:

A Few Things Learned During Construction of my Basement

1. I will never do the drywall of any of my own construction again. It took us two weeks to do what could have been done in 2 days

2. When working with sub-constractors (i.e plumber, electrician) always give yourself more time that you think. By God's grace the first time around they all showed up on time, but my electrician would not answer or return my calls at the finish.

3. Don't plan on passing inspections the first time through. I failed both my rough-in and my final the first time through.

4. Good friends that are willing to help are worth their weight in gold.

5. I can plan the next day's work and sleep at the same time. For the first week or so I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking about all that needed to get done.

6. The same people work at the same time every day at Lowe's. And Lowe's opens at 6:30 am which allows for material runs before work.

7. The employee discount from my work is a huge blessing.

8. I will never try to do a project of this size in that short of time again. It was a bit too stressful for my liking.

During the whole ordeal on Thursday I see much more clearly now how God views us as his children. During the x-ray I had to hold Belle down on the table while she wailed and fought with all her might (a one year old is stronger than I thought). When she kept looking at me as if to say, “Why won’t you pick me up and make this stop?” All I could think was that this is for her good. We had to go through the x-ray to figure out what was causing the pain and how to fix it. We couldn’t not take the x-ray, I had no choice but to hold her down and try to reassure her that everything was going to be alright.

Once my emotions had calmed down and the cast had been set on her leg, I was able to reflect on that moment and see a picture of God and me. I can see God standing over me when I am hurting and looking to him to end the pain. He stands there whispering to me that everything is going to be okay, that it is all for my good, that he must put me through the pain to accomplish all that he desires through me. Once I saw this I smiled at the thought of God holding me down for an x-ray just as I did for Belle.

“It is doubtful that God can use a man greatly until He has hurt Him deeply.”
– AW Tozer

In my attempts to find a diet that would allow my to get off my meds for ulcerative colitis I had set up a fleece in my life. Through the two month I tried three different diet plans, I had told God that if he wanted me to go back to the meds I would need a sign of there being blood in my stools. About a month ago I saw blood so I went back on the meds the next day. Later that week I started seeing a dramtic turn around. I began feeling immensely better. Last week Leah and I began to officially say that I am in remission. My bowels are back to normal and I have gained about 15 pounds of the 37 I lost back. We never thought I would get here but it is absolutely wonderful to be normal again.

The main reason we even tried the diet plan route was that a couple of the meds I was on had side effects dealing with future children and their health. We didn't feel comfortable putting our unborn kids at a higher risk of handicaps or birth defects, hence the extreme diets. The good news is that the meds I am currently on do not raise those risks. We're very excited at the possibility of having more kids like Belle.

The biggest thing for me in the past month has been the peace I feel at this is what God wants me to be doing. During the diets I wasn't sure they were what God wanted but I was convinced He wanted me to try them so I did. But with my fleece finally coming back damp, I know this is what God wants me to do.

Through the first few days God has been showing me some things deep in my heart. The main thing being how much I desire to be just like everyone else. I don't like to stand out in any way. I remember when I moved to a new school in junior high and I dressed and thought about life differently from everyone else. I quickly learned to be like everyone else or face the taunts and nicknames of my classmates. Now I am choosing a distinctly different diet from everyone I know and it feels very vaulnerable. I just want to fit in. But the truth God has been reminding me of is that to be holy, as he has called me to be, means being set apart. Or more simply, different. Being a Christian automatically makes me different from the world. This is not something I can run from or hide from. It is something I must face and accept as part of my identity in Christ. And with God's grace I will.

"be like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior." 1 Peter 1:15 NAS

My sister asked me what God was teaching me through this trial a couple weeks ago. At that time the only thought I had at the time is how God will prepare us for everything he will put us through. For the six to eight weeks before I went into the hospital I was doing some very deep soul searching and seeking God on my life. From what doctors had told me in previous episodes it was my body's way of dealing with stress. I was searching my life to cast any burdens I was carrying unrightfully onto God but I wasn't finding any. Instead God was teaching me how to trust him with the future. How only he knows what happens in the next chapter of my story; he's the one that holds the results and the expectations, not me. There are certain things he has given me responsibility for, but the those are not part of my end of the deal. Understanding that truth was essential in my ability to endure the time in the hospital. There were a couple of low times , but the majority of time I was full of hope and faith that God knew what he was doing and I just needed to wait for him to show me what the plan is.

Since that time my sister asked me that question I think another lesson has come out of this trial. That being the need to make every moment count. There is a certain seriousness that comes when dealing with life-long health problems and the possibility of major surgery. I don't think I was completely coasting in my faith, but there was a certain zeal that was missing from my life before my hospital stay. The time I had in the hospital has reinvigorated me in my desire to see the kingdom of God advanced. It's easy to think about the length of this life and not make every step, every minute, every dollar spent be purposeful. I want my life to count and this world to be different when I leave it.

As for a quick update on my health, I was set free yesterday from the IV so I can move about much easier. They have started me on a cocktail of different meds in effort to tame my colon and my immune system. It looks like I will be on these for a couple months, having to check in with the doctors for blood work each week, with surgery being a distant thought. And the best news is that I could be getting out of the hospital in the next couple days.

More details and my thoughts from the two week hospital stay to come later

Recently I have been doing some deep soul searching and wrestling with God over my identity. It's been difficult to face the way in which I view myself and how it is different for the truth, how God made me. Too often I see myself as worthless and incapable. Or I allow myself to be defined by my experiences or by other people's perceptions of me. Even as a Christian I allowed myself to be defined by the titles I held (i.e. small group leader, pub's leader, setup team member), the gifting I have, or the accomplishments I gained in ministry. God has recently revealed how these things matter little in defining me. It's as if he's Brad Pitt telling me, "You are not your reputation. You are not your spiritual gifts. You are not what you think you are. You are who I say you are." My identity is unchanging as a saint, chosen to be His child, redeemed from my sins, and secure in my eternal destiny. None of these things will be affected by what I do, they are who I am.

So as this has been revealed to me I have felt very naked before God, all my fig leaves have been stripped away so that nothing but what I truely think of myself is before him. Let me tell you it is unpleasant yet freeing. Digging deep into the heart is a dirty place to go but once it is clean with His truth it is the most beautiful place you've ever seen.

**If you are interested in learning more about your identity in Christ I highly recommend the book "Victory over the Darkness." As I've read it, it's as if God is peering into my soul, telling me the truth in all the places I have insecurities and inadequacies. It will change the way you look at yourself and God.

Lend me your hope for awhile,
I seem to have mislaid mine.
Lost and hopelss feeling accompany me daily,
pain and confusion are my companions.
I know not where to turn;
looking ahead to future times does not bring forth
images of renewed hope
I see troubled times, pain filled days, and more tragedy

Lend me your hope for awhile,
I seem to have mislaid mine
Hold my hand and hug me;
listen to all my ramblings, recovery seems so far distant.
The road to healing seems like a long and lonely one.

Lend me your hope for awhile.
I seem to have mislaid mine.
Stand by me, offer me your presence, your heart, and your love
Acknowledge my pain, it is so real and ever present
I am overwhelmed with said and conflicting thoughts

Lend me your hope for awhile;
a time will come when I will heal
and I will share my renewal,
hope and love with others

Four Jobs I�ve Had in My Life:

* Stockboy at Bill's Family Foods
* Beer man at Universal Studios
* Hall desk at Linden
* Estimator for Beisser Lumber

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over, (and Have or Have not):

* Return of the King
* Gladiator
* Cinderella Man (haven't yet but it is my newest favorite)
* Saving Private Ryan

Four Places I Have Lived:

* Odebolt, IA
* Estes Park, CO
* Ames, IA
* Iowa City, IA

Four TV Shows I Love To Watch:

* Law & Order
* Sportscenter
* Seinfeld
* Baseball (as long as I've got Dan, Matt, or John to talk baseball while watching it, otherwise its boring)

Four Places I Have Been On Vacation:

* Estes Park
* New York/Boston/Maine (it was one vacation compliments of my sister)
* Chicago
* Myrtle Beach

Four Websites I Visit Daily:

* yahoo mail
* Planet Rockisu
* fantasy sports sites
* other blogs that aren't on the planet

Four Favorite Foods:

* Steak Burrito from Ponchero
* crab rangoon
* Homemade dinner rolls
* oreos

Four Places I Would Like to Visit:

* Rome
* I always enjoy Colorado
* Jerusalem
* I'd love to go back to Maine...the coast was amizing

Four People I Am Tagging With This Meme: (Yer IT!)

* Erik
* Dustin
* TJ
* any other blogger I read on a regular basis...I'd love to read this

Isabelle Marie was born at 8:04 Thursday morning. She was 19 inches long and weighed in at 5 pounds 12.5 ounces.

I have been thinking a lot recently about love. It's one of those words in the English language that just doesn't seem to suffice in many of its uses. The world sometimes protrays it is an emotion or a feeling. Before I got married many reminded me that love is a choice. I've come up with my own summary of what I think it means to love some one....it is to suffer with them. It's almost guaranteed that if love someone there will be pain and suffering. Whether it be from them hurting you personally, a wound that comes back from the past, a sin that just keeps popping up, a situation that is out of your control. Being willing to enter into their pain and suffer with them is when love goes from a word to being real.

This past week my wife's grandfather passed away. I had met him a couple times but never really got to know him, so I could have just detached from the situation as I had no ties to him. But because I love my wife, I held her hand, gave her hugs, wiped away her tears as we went to Solon to see him while he was alive, as we went to the hospital when he got real sick, as he passed away despite the best efforts of the doctors, as he lay in casket for the visitation and funeral.

Meet with me
Hungry
Amazing Grace
Thank You
Amazing Love
King of this Heart
You Said
Blessed be your name