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April 26, 2006
Thanks everyone
I wanted to say thank you to everyone that has been praying for me. I was amazed at the response to Leah's blog and other emails I have received. It truly is a blessing to have so many people care enough to pray.
As for a quick update on my health, I was set free yesterday from the IV so I can move about much easier. They have started me on a cocktail of different meds in effort to tame my colon and my immune system. It looks like I will be on these for a couple months, having to check in with the doctors for blood work each week, with surgery being a distant thought. And the best news is that I could be getting out of the hospital in the next couple days.
More details and my thoughts from the two week hospital stay to come later
Posted by Jason at 02:43 PM | Comments (1)
April 02, 2006
Stripped Bare
In the movie "Fight Club" there's a scene in which Brad Pitt looks into the camera and says, "You are not your job. You are not how much money you have in your bank account. You are not your f***ing khakis." For many of the men in the movie that followed his Fight Club movement that was exactly what they needed to hear. That they, as men, were not defined by those things. They did not need to be emasculated by what society defined men as.
Recently I have been doing some deep soul searching and wrestling with God over my identity. It's been difficult to face the way in which I view myself and how it is different for the truth, how God made me. Too often I see myself as worthless and incapable. Or I allow myself to be defined by my experiences or by other people's perceptions of me. Even as a Christian I allowed myself to be defined by the titles I held (i.e. small group leader, pub's leader, setup team member), the gifting I have, or the accomplishments I gained in ministry. God has recently revealed how these things matter little in defining me. It's as if he's Brad Pitt telling me, "You are not your reputation. You are not your spiritual gifts. You are not what you think you are. You are who I say you are." My identity is unchanging as a saint, chosen to be His child, redeemed from my sins, and secure in my eternal destiny. None of these things will be affected by what I do, they are who I am.
So as this has been revealed to me I have felt very naked before God, all my fig leaves have been stripped away so that nothing but what I truely think of myself is before him. Let me tell you it is unpleasant yet freeing. Digging deep into the heart is a dirty place to go but once it is clean with His truth it is the most beautiful place you've ever seen.
**If you are interested in learning more about your identity in Christ I highly recommend the book "Victory over the Darkness." As I've read it, it's as if God is peering into my soul, telling me the truth in all the places I have insecurities and inadequacies. It will change the way you look at yourself and God.
Posted by Jason at 03:12 PM | Comments (4)