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August 31, 2004

kids?

ah so yes as we can see, i am failing misserably along with some of my other closest pals at keeping my blog up these days. life got crazy and the blog went dead... sorry folks.

thoughts from work (brace yourselves, im sure you will get a lot of them now)

my heart broke yesterday at a comment that could have easily been overlooked and rolled into the playful banter that was going on at the time. background: i was spending some time with a kid i hadn't yet worked with yesterday. a kid who to be honest is a little punk (believe me, i held back my true evaluation of his general attitude with that word. there are much more fitting names but now that would be inappropriate) anyway, within the first five minutes of being in his home it was obvious, he was the one who thinks he has control and is almost always behind the trouble. insigating is definately his game. anyway... back to story. he and i were walking back with some other boys from the gym playing some basketball. after a long couple of hours and an instance with a pen, we had finally begun to bond and our interactions had become good humored. he was holding the door open and was about to go through but then jumped back to hold it open for me. stupid me smiles and walks through the door, and he trips me. i playfully shoved him into the wall and made some smart comment about "look you had me trusting you for a minute" and he smiled and shoved me back saying "well that was your first mistake emily, you never trust people just like that"... we went on to tease each other and race up the stairs...but i couldnt get the comment out of my head

to be 14 and already believe people are not trustworthy. while the comment was small there is a whole line of thinking and bucket of beliefs sitting behind it that tell that kid he is on his own. my heart broke to know that so far no one in his life has proven worthy of his trust. reminded me of a conversation i had with one of my favorite kids last summer about whether we should trust people until they do something to make us not trust them or not trust people until they make us believe the are worthy. guess is all comes down to the lives this kids have survived and the relationships they have had or not had. certainly something i never worried about as a child. is it even fair to call them that anymore?

stopping now before i launch into a rant

Posted by Emily at 10:38 AM | Comments (3)

August 24, 2004

big people land

i came home last night to a sign congratsing me on surviving big people land. i had to kind of laugh at the irony of that however seeing as how i work with kids. anyway... there is some truth in it. i did successfully complete day 1 at my new and first "real" job. i was crazy overwhelmed meeting with the insurance dude and having to talk through all the benefits, but when it came down to actually getting into the home, i was pleased beyond belief. right now there is so much to learn so fast and all that normalness of starting something new, but i am all in all convinced that i am going to really enjoy this job. my boys were amazing and i liked the other staff a lot. i believe it is a good fit to my personality and desires as well as what God has gifted me in and given me a passion for.


Posted by Emily at 10:27 AM | Comments (2)

August 17, 2004

a little bit sad

im back and so is half the student population. now that the insanity of turnover and moving has come to an end (or so we will say since my room is still a disaster ) and we have internet at our house again (big props to mike biang and pat blair!) i have returned to the blog scene...i know, i know contain your excitement.

well in the midst of all the craziness i believe that my whole "graduation" has finally begun to set in. funny as it may seem, i think that even with all the talk in may about how everything in my life would be changing, i didn't really buy it. and continued to live in a semi state of denial all summer long as i lived out of only a few unpacked boxes, didn’t really know what the fall would look like and worked at good ole' taraccino. but now... oh but now folks no more is the bliss of the illusion.

"real life" is beginning to set in. elizabeth bought books the other day, for a second i panicked then realized... "not i said the fly" no books for me. heather printed off her schedule of classes... me? no classes and i found myself just feeling weird walking across campus the other day. i started thinking about how many times i had walked that exact same sidewalk and that i wouldn't ever again, at least not like that.

this morning i had to say goodbye to a good taraccino friend. he came super early and brought a camera to take pics of us and celebrate my last tuesday. and as he left he gave me the best hug. i just couldn't help it as i let go the tears welled up. and lorry got talking about me leaving and kelsey got all misty eyed as she told me that no matter what it wouldn't be the same when i left, i just realized what a huge part of my life that little coffee shop has been for the last three years. the people have become a real family to me and some of my most valued friends. i am so very excited to start my "real" job and go hard after what i believe God has called me to, but wow i never suspected being on the other side of barista would be so tough.

then the kicker was last night as we hung out in the dorms, visiting friends and meeting new folks. i cant quite express how it felt to watch such a normal part of life, like moving into a room, go on without you when deep down it is really all you know. it all felt so surreal, like i just wasn't sure what to do with myself. funny how fast four years goes when you are looking back. i just got done arguing with bart in my backyard about whether or not he will miss it all after this year. and though i cant deny i am still glad to be done and wouldn't go back, the bottom line is ...you do miss it and today was just a little bit sad.

Posted by Emily at 11:53 AM | Comments (6)