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July 31, 2004
signing off
the internet has already been come and go here at hunt street for a while with angie leaving, all the carpet cleaning and what not, computers have been hooked up and unhooked on a regular basis. BUT it is finally here! the big move day! and boy are we ready. woods street moved all their stuff here yesterday and robin and katie's apt came too, the bottom line is... LOTS of stuff. we decided to count last night just for fun and we got to sixteen people. thats how many people have stuff here right now (not including the attic - that my friends is a whole different story)
oh it has been worth a lot of laughs and even some pictures. and yesterday pat and i found the biggest spider i've ever seen. nick mackey said it was a wolf spider, i dont know but it is big and has hair!
God has constantly reminded us throughout this move process that He is indeed in control. lots of near diasters turned perfect that made us appreciate Him and not take things falling into place for granted.
well it is off to start the move, it may take us a while to settle in before we are back online...so for now happy trails!
Posted by Emily at 11:45 AM | Comments (3)
July 29, 2004
whoa
so im reading this book Healing Life's Deepest Hurts by Edward M Smith (the theophostic book) and was struck this afternoon by a passage. if you have been anywhere near me today you have prolly already heard me processing it cause it really got me thinking and i've asked you what you think about it. well i have a million thoughts, but ill spare you them cause im interested in yours. here it goes:
"Mind renewal goes beyond the gathering of biblical facts and knowledge to the place where the believer is able to walk in the present reality of righteousness that he or she has already laid hold of in Christ. Lie-based thinking robs us of knowing this reality. My own efforts at and determination in overcoming sin do not make me more righteous or holy, but rather I am presently standing “holy and blameless before Him” in Christ (Eph 1:4)...
I used to teach that we were in the process of becoming more and more like Jesus. I now realize that we are not becoming like Him - we are already like Him and can know this reality as we come to know truth. Some might suggest that this is simply semantics and actually saying the same thing. Yet theologically and practically these things are very different. If I am becoming something, then I am not yet fully that which I am becoming. This would imply that I have much work to do to achieve what is lacking. However if I am a complete new man in Christ, then my new self does not fluctuate or vacillate, even though my emotional state may run contrary. I am not becoming something new, since I am already complete. As a new man, I am maturing and growing in knowledge of this reality, but my righteous state of being remains consistent. When I fell condemned, shamed, unloved, not good enough and so on, my trying harder, being more determined, or performing better will not make me more of what I am in Christ, which is “holy and blameless before Him.” These contrary emotions are either the consequence of wrong choices I have been deceived into making (sin) or else they are symptoms of my false self-belief and therefore not my true spiritual condition.
We are often commanded in Scripture to “lay aside” sinful behavior (Rom 13:12, Eph 4:22, Heb 12:1). However, my motivation for laying aside my sinful behavior should not be that I might become more holy, righteous or have a better standing with God, but rather because I am all of the above. My laying aside is not in order to become something, but rather because I am something (Eph 1:4, Col 3:12. 2 Cor 5:21).
This is a major paradigm shift for the contrary thinking that has permeated the church. Whether we will admit it or not, much of what we call spirituality is nothing more than works salvation and a vain attempt to arrive at some perceived holy state. Anything that I believe will increase, sustain, or maintain any level of my righteous and holy place with God, is works and not grace. We have been deceived into believing that performance equals spirituality. This is just no so. Performance and effort do have a place in the Christian growth and maturity process, but have nothing to do with my spiritual condition."
he goes on and on but you get the point.
Posted by Emily at 09:22 PM | Comments (10)
July 22, 2004
relief from the heat
so last night we took a small field trip to drake to hear brent knox speak. to our delight we found that the air conditioning in the room was broken...we will note yesterday was a HOT day. by god's grace it was lots of fun, the band played well and brent's message was awesome. when it was all over though, to our much greater delight we discovered the sprinkler system was on in the fields outside. megan and i took one look at each other and made a quick decision about the importance of the inside of her car staying dry. it was a no brainer, we dropped everything and ran screaming like little girls into what felt like heaven. she, jules and alisa and i continued to frolic through the mist and shove each other into the sprayers leaving us all soaked and happy. too much fun. laughing so hard you cried but who could tell with us all that wet? i don’t think water ever felt so good. and then as we were calming down, over the hill running came pat and dan shea and heather to join the fun. who knew sprinklers could be that entertaining for "adults" too?
sight of the day: while talking with brent after his message, megan and i happened to witness this scene through the window. dan shea and the rest of the band were hauling out the sound equipment. he had a speaker and an amp on wheels and was pushing it down the sidewalk when he realized the sprinkler was spraying across. all alone, he looked around, waited patiently for it to go back the other way, and then ran like mad with the speaker down the side walk. oh how the three of us laughed.
Posted by Emily at 03:46 PM | Comments (5)
July 21, 2004
Welcome Home Lorry!
oh gosh it was good to see lorry back today! hard to believe the three weeks went by already and at the same time it felt like forever since i had last seen him. it was funny how much i missed him lately and no one gives hugs like lorry! so anyway, i enoyed the last morning of just me and kelsey and will miss that time with her, but am more than happy to hand the task of opening back over to him soon. praise God for more sleep. oh im in such a good mood now though, so many happy faces today as he spent all morning in the store (despite it being his day off) sitting at a table and talking with the customers as they come in. reunions are so fun. there is nothing better than seeing someone you love that you haven't seen in a long time. we made this big banner that the customers all signed this week and he knew how much he was missed. happy day at taraccino
in other news: the packing process begins at Hunt Street... oh my
Posted by Emily at 10:50 AM | Comments (3)
July 20, 2004
heart on the line
so i was reading blair's blog today on friends and loving one another and it just got me thinking. thinking about a bunch of things so bear with me, who knows where this will go. raw thought here kids, no pre-publish process involved.
i guess i decided it is ironic how my greatest desire is to be known, really known in an intimate way, understood. and at the same time that is my greatest fear. what else leaves you open for the worst rejection and pain? i want it, but im afraid.
i absolutely cherish when people do or say something that reminds me that they are closer to me than most, or that they pay attention, really care. nothing makes me feel more loved, liked when angie told becky about how i cant stay awake once i take out my contacts, julie knew to ask about my day on thursday, how jason got me cheetos once as a thank you, or tammy leaving cookie dough in the "beer box" on a bad day or glancing over knowingly during a certain song... on and on. as i was reflecting on these times it also occurred to me that these same people, these close friends (not just angie, julie, tammy and jason, they were merely examples) are the ones who can hurt me most. i realized that the truth is most strangers and acquaintances can't really do much damage. i haven't given them that authority in my life. but... the people who know me, they can.
guess maybe it goes with that original thought. greatest desire is greatest fear. while they can bring the most joy, they can also bring the greatest sorrow. with the people we are closest to, we are most vulnerable. it’s an interesting paradigm. we have to get close to get what we want and need, but that requires trust and risk. and isn't that part of truly loving someone anyway. hmm... how much this looks like God
Posted by Emily at 10:58 AM | Comments (6)
July 18, 2004
a perfect weekend
oh gosh this weekend was wonderful, prolly one of the best and i really needed that. friday night we helped the hills move which meant motorcycle rides, time with maddie and free food. how many times can "bud hey" be said while unloading a Uhaul? after that there were fireworks which were just delightful from paul and christie's front step. saturday work was so busy cause of Iowa Games and we busted hard and made tips and the time flew, woohoo for the kelsey and emily show. then there was some hilarious sand volleyball and it really felt like july cause it was soooo hot. some of us girls went to the machine shed for dinner as a send off for jamie. becky and i got into a small eating challenge, what else is new. lets face it, both becky and i can pack away the food, especially steak. there was lots of remembering and even some crying and it was so good to have naomi and carrie here with us, plus hof and sarah! yippee for old friends come home! church was delightful, they played a lot of my favorite songs and it was just good to be in the stonebrook family. then we volunteered for iowa games and i got to take over leah's job measuring the long jump which meant bare feet in the sand! and i got to tease luke and shea about their raking. and the best part was the round ornery old man who was the official and kept us laughing the entire time... good times in the sun and free t-shirts around. cookies from alisa's grandma and now it is a sunday afternoon and there is nothing to do! all my roomies are napping and it is just nice to relax. more volleyball tonight and hopefully if all my hinting went well, homemade shea special pizza!
wouldn't change a thing.
Posted by Emily at 02:04 PM | Comments (8)
July 15, 2004
Joe Update
so many of you know (especially if you used to come to Friley prayer) that i have a friend named joe in Iraq right now. anyway some of you also know i had been super worried about him lately since his last email told me things were not good at his base and it was under a lot of attacks and then i didn't hear from him for weeks. well HURRAY i got a mass email from him a couple days ago saying he is alright. then yesterday i got a personal email from him too which made me so delighted. that is a great sign since it means he has extra time on his hands! well my hope was that you guys could continue to be praying for him and their base as it continues to be under pretty heavy attack. they have had 16 casualties in the last week and joe himself was hit with some debris, but so far no fatalities, which is amazing. He is an incredible man of God and asks for us to be praying for his relationship with God which has much strain and pressure on it and for the people around him that they too would come to know the Lord. He has been overseas almost four months now, but has at least eight more to go. it is going to be a long haul. so please join me in praying for him. thanks guys!
Posted by Emily at 11:00 AM
July 14, 2004
roses are red, violets are blue...
today i got flowers. yes that’s right, big beautiful red roses, 6 of them to be exact. they came from rob acker who is just wonderful. he is a great kid from work. they (he and some of his high school friends) gave them to me for helping out with their new movie for the ames high film festival, watch out hollywood here i come! yea right. anywho, no big deal but i had to admit just how very much fun getting them was. the truth is there is something utterly wonderful about getting flowers (though roses are not my favorite) and now our dinning room table is gorgeous! the little things in life are the best.
my favorite time i ever got flowers was last summer; one of my boys at Maryville gave me some he picked while at a park. He was this tough seventeen year-old black kid who caused a lot of trouble and drove me crazy. i had gone through most of the summer unable to really bond with him until this one day we had the task of getting fencing tied up and off a truck trailer that happened to be home to several bee nests. (we will note i am TERRIFIED of bees) he was also slightly frightened of the bees. well i pulled this tough girl attitude and told him we had to do it, so to suck it up and get in the truck. if i could do it, he could do it. some of the other boys were too afraid and wouldn’t do it, so it ended up just being me and him together for a long day of being hot, tired and scared in this box working hard with the bees. we laughed a lot at ourselves and at the other boys. after that, he was cool with me. one of the last days of the summer, he just hands me flowers before we get in the van. says "saw these, thought they were nice, so here." oh the mush i was inside.
Posted by Emily at 03:02 PM | Comments (2)
July 12, 2004
more random thoughts
woke up at 4:10 without an alarm again today, worked for 6 hours, no coffee, this is getting scary
big YIPPEE to Brandon Kleinke! having someone come visit us for a change was lots of fun. and boy is sand volleyball just not the same when you aren't here. (i say that since i know you actually read this now :-)
learned how to make mashed potatoes from a box yesterday, yes (go ahead gasp in disbelief) i didn't know before. growing up at my house, you cook and mash potatoes, there was no box involved! anyway, a cooking lesson from pat blair for becky and i, not sure what to think about that
cant believe that july is bascially half over, where did it go?
side note: i love lightening bugs so much it makes my heart hurt. i was sitting out the other night and just amazed at how much they make me feel like a little girl. i cant help but smile when i see them. so glad they are here now, cliff and i had just talked about it a few weeks ago cause there weren't any. it is just wonderful, you watch, see one, and then its gone. so magical
beverage of the day: iced chai, yum yum
Posted by Emily at 10:37 AM | Comments (11)
July 10, 2004
Waterdeep
I am haunted by my love for comparison
My fascination with a single common theme
And I am hounded by the fear that I might be losing it
Slipping from reality into dream
When my mind is muddled by the way it seems to work
I start looking for just one connecting Force
Someone to assure me we that didn't lose the war today
That the battle's General's still riding on his horse
In the mornings when I pray, I've often come to You with dreams
Little bits of power that I can't comprehend
And sometimes I can keep my eyes unclosed for long enough
To see the blowing of a distant steady Wind
The distance doesn't take too long for You to cover it
And when You reach me, You just blow these things apart
You clear the crowd that's gathered 'round the crisis of my soul
And whisper to my suffocating heart
And is the juice of the joints of the motion of life
And is the love that is between God and his beautiful wife
And has two hands and two feet and a long, lovely side
And rose three days after he was crucified
So You're the Force of gravity that I feel pulling at my feet
You're the Fuel at the center of the sun
And, it's your Ghost that fills the atmosphere with what we need to breathe
And, everything I've ever wondered, You're the one
Both my hands are stained with blood
And both my lips are stained with tears
From when I kissed the widow of the man I killed
And, yet You're asking me to swallow Your forgivness here today
You say the bond required for my pardon's been fulfilled
Posted by Emily at 03:35 PM | Comments (3)
July 09, 2004
watch out for this randomness
i don’t have any one complete thought, so this is going to go all over
this whole "let's pretend to be Lorry" thing at work has been awesome, but i'm tired and i'm only half through this week's madness. 9 straight shifts, 8 of which are open, then a day break before it is go again! disgusting as it is, i actually woke up yesterday at 4:15 am without my alarm and even worse, i found myself looking forward to tomorrow since it is the weekend, i get to sleep until 5:15! oh my... pathetic.
on a good note, there was sweet lightning as i drove to work this morning, always makes me a happy camper. also happy today because i get pictures back and get to drop off a whole new roll. disturbing however is it contains the picture of cliff and tony's shaved legs. still not over that one.
pat blair is awesome. a: he has a motorcycle b: he went for a ride with us last night
(what happens in Magnaland stays in Magnaland)
so here is a great moment from yesterday to share: we are playing some sand volleyball, and it is just pat and i on a team. we were winning and came to "GP Jump Serve" which...I SUCK AT! ok "suck" cannot adequately explain my inability, i am just plain terrible, but i still have a lot of fun trying and entertain those around me. so as I go to attempt, this guy comes walking by. completely unaware of our silly v-ball rules, he merely sees me toss this ball up, flail in the air, miss and encounter the sand! the best part of the whole thing is that he totally thought i was serious. he was great! he was doing everything in his power not to draw attention to himself and make me feel bad, he dropped his head and tried so hard not to bust up laughing, but i mean come on! i was crying I was laughing so hard at myself! pat and i were just rolling by the time he got by us. oh well...nothing new, i looked like a fool, good times good times
i may suck at jump serves, but i don’t suck at swing dancing... woohoo for tonight! be at woods street, you know you wanna!
Posted by Emily at 10:46 AM | Comments (6)
July 08, 2004
sissy la la
many of you will be glad to hear that i am finally owning up to the fact that i have an issue with crying. yes thats right...im a crier. so i found it highly ironic after Dan blogged about me crying just yesterday, that i had to admit to this problem last night. it was during "church," matt and pat were playing songs and i just started crying. nothing happened, nothing was specifically wrong, i just welled up and cried. Luke Anderson, being the awesome brother that he is to me (note: hurray for boys). knelt down next to me and asked what was going on. i calmly told him i was fine. later as i thanked him for caring, i had to just go on to explain that i, Emily Engelking, tend to just do that sort of thing - randomly start crying. it just happens and it doesnt mean anything sometimes. i am just a crier, there is no denying it. im always the one who cries in the movie theatre and even stupid cried during counting crows! micah and case used to have a running bet to see who go the longest without making me cry. call me a sissy lala for sure, i cant help it.
so as i was thinking about all this it reminded me of another funny "emily starts crying" story of the olden days. there was this ordinary night out at towers, just like any other and I was eating dindin with my wilson kids. matt and some friend of his were already seated. as i walked up and sat down, i was pretty quiet. matt said something, i burst out crying right there in the middle of foodservice. we arent talking a tear or two here folks, all out sob is more the story. he went on to rant about how weird girls are and how you cant understand them... didn't help matt, didn't help. but i still loved him and we still good friends. oh... the memories.
Posted by Emily at 11:00 AM | Comments (12)
July 07, 2004
a big thank you
so i have been just out of my mind overwhelmed by the servant hood and generosity of some of my brothers this summer and was already feeling the need to acknowledge them for it... then Drew Zieger pushed that need over the top the other night. i decided it needed to be done publicly because these kids are awesome and they rock my face off.
so here is a very incomplete (mainly because i have a horrible memory) list of some of the ways they have blessed my life and our house this summer:
Drew: borrowed my car to go get his keys, parked it on the right side of the street and FILLED it up with gas, which was COMPLETELY unnecessary!
Case: slaved away for becky and i and built that crazy loft, cooks us dinner a lot, fixes anything we break and is always ready to come over if needed
Tony Hill: has put in countless hours on our computer
Teply: stops by all the time, brings bread and all kinds of other good stuff, also put gas in elizabeth's car because he borrowed it
Cliff: is a better friend than i could have ever asked for
Luke DeVries: cooked us a fantastic dinner, comes over and loans us stuff, helps carry crap repeatedly
Brandon Kleinke: let us borrow his TV and DVD player for the summer
and on and on... the list could go
anyway, THANKS GUYS! I really appreciate all of you and those of you that have blessed us in other ways too that i forgot to mention, i apologize! (hint hint: ladies you can help me out if you remember more)
Posted by Emily at 11:36 AM | Comments (3)
July 01, 2004
yummy
so i had quite possibly the best dinner i have eaten in a long time the other night. scott, this taraccino customer, made lorry and i dinner for our birthday. it was amazing. he made smoked ribs and everything including sauces and salsa and ice cream from scratch. it was seriously like a four course meal that had a different kind of beer for each course!
it made me laugh and want to cry at the same time to know that some people do in fact eat well. here at hunt street - we hungry. we never have food, and when we finally do get it, we eat it all really fast. elizabeth does our grocery shopping and she is great, she does the best she can with what we give her. the truth is that we all broke!
the staple food of the summer has become corn dogs. we consume them like they are about to stop producing them. to make things worse, becky is thoroughly convinced that a corn dog can solve any problem. if someone is crying or upset, "wanna corn dog?" will be heard. i have to admit though, so far her theory has proven worthy.
props to miss alisa though for last night she did bring over one of her famous fruit pizzas. it was incredible and got devoured in about 5 mins flat. she is so good to us, brings food all the time.
some day I’m sure we will look back at this summer and laugh about all the times we shared standing around in the kitchen looking for grub. bonding truly does occur while problem solving. and in the words of tammy "STOP! we have a big issue at hand, what are we going to do for food?!" haha speaking of food, i can hear them all upstairs digging around...it is that time again
Posted by Emily at 03:28 PM | Comments (4)