« learning... | Main | »
May 14, 2008
i keep running...
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14
as promised, a blog about my new found "hobby." running.
i should start with some background. when i was a kid, i wasn't exactly what you would call "athletic." well, who are we kidding? i'm still not. even if i choose to sit out in a sporting event, i almost inevitably get hit in the head by the ball. track activities were no better. as many of you may have experienced, at least once a year, our whole class had to run the mile. i lived in a small town so running the mile consisted of running down a main street in the town and back. i always tried to keep up with the fast kids which meant that about two blocks later i was laying on the ground, completely winded, and asking someone to go tell the teacher i needed my inhaler. i am not exaggerating. and this happened pretty much EVERY year of elementary school. high school did not get any better. in fact, phys ed was about as traumatizing as it can get. i didn't lay down on the sidewalk (we had a track by then). after all, if they called me the kinds of names they did when i was at least trying, i didn't want to know what they would call me if i outright quit.
so by now you're probably wondering why i ever returned to running. well, to start off, i'm a self-examiner. i'm always thinking about how i'm doing, why i'm doing something, etc. one thing i've discovered in my self-examination is that i HATE doing anything that i'm not almost 100% sure that i'll be successful at. running is definitely one of those things. but, since i've discovered this about myself, i've been much more purposeful in attempting this scary i-think-i'm-going-to-fail type activities.
back in january, i started on a treadmill. i started by seeing if i could run a mile at a pretty slow pace. and i did! i actually made it. at that point, i decided that i would start upping my mileage by 0.25 miles a week until i could make it to my ultimate distance. it wasn't very long til i started learning additional lessons about myself.
1. i am insanely impatient with myself. so, i said i'd increase by 0.25 miles a week? yeah. that last for about a week and a half. then i decided, well, let's just see if i can make it to 2.00 miles. once i made it to that distance, i just kept pushing myself.
ugh, this is JUST how i am in my spiritual life. i can't just crawl, i have to walk. i can't just walk, i have to run. and with my spiritual muscles not completely strengthened, it usually results in my falling flat on my face. okay, thankfully i haven't fallen flat on my face in my real running, but you get the idea.
2. i have major pride issues (pretty sure that goes hand-in-hand with impatience). i started out running on the treadmill. part of that was practical. i'm not very good at pacing myself so it does it for me. HOWEVER, the other reason was that it is way harder for people to see how fast (or slow as the case may be) you are going. running on the track is hard because people pass you!
once again, i'm the same way spiritually. i worry way too much about what people think of my progress.
3. it's totally mental. every day, on every step up to the 3rd floor of the rec, i think, i can't run today. i'm just not going to be able to do it. besides, no one will notice if i run or not. no one cares. and yet, every day, if i made it TO the treadmill or track, i was able to complete my run.
sometimes i feel like this spiritually. it's mental. when i go to have a quiet time, sometimes the voices in my head are the same. i can't connect today. i feel too crummy and lazy. besides, no one will notice if i am in the Word today. no one cares. if i take my thoughts captive, if i make it to that quiet place, where God can speak, it's good. he speaks. we connect.
4. it's about discipline. daily discipline. even if i don't make it 2-3 miles every day, if i put some effort in, MAN, the day goes better and the next day is just a little easier. if i take a few days off (ESPECIALLY if it's cause i'm being lazy), i feel like i'm starting all over the next time!
same thing spiritually. it's about daily discipline. man, if i don't make the time for a quiet time for a few days, BOY do i feel it (and unfortunately, unlike running, everyone around me probably does as well). and it gets that much harder to do it the next time.
5. it's really just about the next step. when i'm running if i think about how much further i have to go, i get so overwhelmed. i start thinking i won't be able to make it. i start running faster than i should just to make the end seem closer. my mental game goes out the window. but if i just focus on making the decision to take the next step, or the next 10, i can usually make the whole distance.
i am SO bad about just thinking about today. i like to plot my life out months, even years, in advance. but, just like with running, it's totally overwhelming. i find that if i just take it daily, focus on making it through today, i usually make it.
6. watching other people run doesn't make me a better runner.
7. being around other people who are working out makes it easier to work out myself.
if you want me to explain these as well, i can, but much like the others, i hope the spiritual parallels are somewhat evident. and this blog is already approaching novel-length.
anyway, i don't mean in any way that the parallels are direct. these are personal analogies of my life (and so of course, at some point, they break down). if they connect with you, awesome. if not, that's cool too. i trust you're learning your own lessons.
oh, and before i wrap up i should note: i did make it in a 5k (that was my real goal). i started crying with about a half of a mile left because i couldn't believe i was actually doing it. i quickly realized i cannot cry, breathe, and run at the same time. so i stopped the crying and kicked that race's butt. the end :)
Posted by Autumn at May 14, 2008 02:21 PM
Comments
I never believed people before who said that running is more mental than physical. I'm still not sure I do, but there's a lot more mental stamina required than I previously acknowledged. Things I've learned while running this year:
1. I have a bad habit of negative self talk. I can't believe how often I tell myself that I suck!
2. I don't give myself enough credit when I do meet my goal. I just trounce myself when I don't.
3. Attitude and will power go a long way.
Posted by: Megan at May 14, 2008 09:43 PM