« September 2005 | Main | February 2007 »
January 26, 2007
Let it all out...
Let it all out.
Get it all out.
Rip it out.
Remove this.
Don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed.
'Cause we're so scared to find out what this life's all about.
So scared we're gonna lose it.
And knowing all along,
That's exactly what we need.
And today I will trust you with the confidence of a man who's never known defeat.
And tomorrow upon hearing what I did, I will stare at you in disbelief.
Oh, insufficient me... --Relient K, "Let it All Out"
I think that about summarizing where I'm at right now. God has really been digging around in my heart a lot lately. Showing me fears. Insecurities. Nasty tendencies.
And sometimes I'm just like, "RUN!! HIDE!! It is about to become very apparent to God that you, Autumn, do NOT have it all together! Hurry up, we gotta clean up this mess before anyone else notices!" [insert breathless panic!]
Would this be a good time to insert a disclaimer that this will be a very HONEST, irrational entry?
And sometimes I'm just like, "God, why are you even bothering showing me this stuff? I'm WELL AWARE of how ugly I can be. Are you just trying to rub my nose in it?" [Insert adolescent indignation].
And sometimes I'm just like, "God, pleeeeease. I am TRYING to make it through this life. I want to do what you want me to do. I want to trust you. I want to quit believing that just because the past has been one way doesn't mean the future will be...would you just speak please? Would you just show up?!" [Insert whiny intonation if you didn't already].
And sometimes I'm just like, "God, ohhhhh, I get it. You haven't been trying to get me to see the real ME, you've been trying to get me to see the real YOU. The YOU that isn't shaken up by the messes I make, or the dirt on my nose, or the residue of an untrusting nature in my heart." [Insert sigh of grateful relief].
So sometimes, I'm a lot of things.
But most the time...
I'm a psalmist :)
Posted by Autumn at 10:05 AM | Comments (0)