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September 08, 2006
In another realm...
so, i'm not sure if it's against blog etiquette to blog twice really close together, about completely unrelated topics, but let's face it. some people start reading my "intellectual" blogs and scroll down to the next planetrock entry. so for you all, this is just a personal one...
i bought this book last saturday. it's called love & respect. it's written by a focus on the family guy.
here's what it's about: the crazy cycle.
a woman doesn't feel loved.
she reacts. women react disrespectfully to this.
a man doesn't feel respected.
he reacts. men react unlovingingly to this.
a woman doesn't feel loved.
get it? this is the crazy cycle that the author purports that couples get themselves into. he claims most people understand the first half of ephesians 5:33. men must unconditionally love their husbands. check. but women must unconditionally RESPECT their husbands. che-- WHAT?!
it's countercultural. women are taught that love will solve it all. so when they feel unloved they try to move towards their husbands in love. this doesn't seem to work. so they get frustrated. they act disrespectful and here we go...
now disrespect doesn't have to be saying nasty things. most of the time it isn't. most of the time it's a subtle vibe that you're just not really sure he's competent as a human being. and believe me, men get the message.
one of the things the author says is that women often say "i love you, but i don't respect you." now, ladies, imagine if a man said you "honey, i really respect you, but i don't love you at all." how DEVASTATING would that be?
and have you ever noticed how there are NO greeting cards that say "dear honey. i respect you so much."
or how awkward it feels to say "dear, i really respect you for doing X." for some reason it feels so much more natural to say "dear, i really love you for doing X."
but that's not enough for men.
the authors took a survey. if you ask men, would you endure...
...living completely alone and unloved by the world.
OR
...always feeling inadequate and disrespected by everyone.
they hands down respond they'd rather feel unloved and alone.
so maybe all of you had this figured out already. and maybe somehow you escaped the influence of our culture. or maybe you truly understand what ephesians 5:33 is all about. if you do, stand up and shout it out, ladies! 'cause most of us are still missing it!
oh. one last thing. the author often hears, who should start acting first? the husband or wife?
his answer: whichever of you considers yourself more mature.
isn't that a great answer?
okay, i'm really going to get to my IRB now...
Posted by Autumn at September 8, 2006 01:22 PM