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May 14, 2005
to be used by you...
okay, so the wonderful, wonderful, wigdahl family bought me the new jeremy camp cd for graduation. for those of you who don't already know, i adore jeremy camp. i love the way his voice sounds and his lyrics touch my heart. so first of all, i want to share the lyrics that i really think are going to be a huge part of my summer and my life's theme--then, i'll tell you what i'm encouraged about...
You want to be real
You want to be empty inside
You want to be someone laying down your pride
You want to be someone someday
Then lay it all down before the King
You want to be whole
You want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue and purify your mind
You want to be set free today
Then lay it all down before the King
Chorus:
This is my desire
This is my return
This is my desire to be used by you
You want to be real
You want to be emptied inside
And I know my heart is to feel you near
And I know my life
It's to do your will
It's to do your will
All my life I have seen where you've taken me
Beyond all I have hoped and there's more left unseen
There's not much I can do to repay all you've done
so I give my hands to use
man...if you get a chance to hear this song, you really should. it's been amazing to me how much emotion and pain i've been experiencing even in these last few days and yet at the same time, i've experienced much joy and encouragement.
right now, i admit i am flying pretty high. i just got done with a pretty long day of work. 8-2, giving tours of Friley and more training stuff, then i spent 2-5:30 grocery shopping and baking, and then 5:30-12:00 back at work.
tonight we did a mock "live-in." basically that means that when groups under the age of 18 stay with us, we have to have a liaison between the DoR and the conference. they basically just have to stay overnight, do rounds, make sure the building doesn't get set on fire, etc. so we trained from 6:30-10:00pm and then had a social.
oh my goodness guys--this job is such a blessing. i get PAID to build relationships with a group of 25 twenty year olds. i am spending more time with them than i ever got to spend with younger students when i lived in the dorms. it's so incredible. the bonding is happening so fast because we spend so much time together.
and it's been amazing...the kids i thought would be the least receptive have been so fun! AND i've really had the opportunity to show these people love just through what i would consider relatively normal activities for me...spending time talking with them, caring about what they're interested in, serving them by doing grunt work in the office, letting them know i love them by baking things (they really like that). i know they haven't quite figured out why i do the things i do, but i hope i can keep being a light...
tonight we played catch phrase for two hours. TWO hours spent with a bunch of kids, only one of which i know is a christian. i could NEVER have gotten 25 kids to come play catch phrase after the rock...i never even had time to get to know that many kids. and here it is, God creating a job in which i HAVE to spend 40 hours a week with them.
and they are so sociable...they have done something together every night this week. tomorrow we're having a bbq and playing frisbee and volleyball at Frederiksen Court. and anyone's welcome. i really hope that some of the people who are still here in ames will be able to join me in getting to know these people.
so you're probably wondering what this all has to do with the song lyrics. it is SO my heart's desire to be used by God and i really think he has me in a place where i can be this summer...i just have to lay it all down. this job is exceeding anything i could have dreamed up myself, so i'm just trying to do what the lyrics say...give my hands and see what happens.
of course this doesn't mean that there won't be hard days or boring days, or days when my faith is lacking, but this song has helped me realize that despite all that, despite what my day-to-day feelings are, my desire is to be used by God and he knows that and is honored by it.
continue to pray for me, guys, as i pray for you...
Posted by Autumn at May 14, 2005 12:40 AM