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February 07, 2005
Losing Steam...
See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first. --Hebrews 3:12-14
Well here we are…about a month into a semester where we have seen people get fired up, rally around a cause, and start to change their lives and the lives of others. And here I am…about a month into this semester and already, losing steam.
It started last Wednesday. For those of you who don’t know me, I have an incredibly busy schedule. Though I only have class from 2-5pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I am scheduled with meetings, work, and appointments from about 7:30 am – 11 pm every day. I don’t say this so you can compare your schedule. I don’t say this to complain. It’s just a fact. My life demands more of me than I can give on my own.
I know so many people on the Friley Team and across The Rock live lives that are just as crazy—if not more. I could spend an entire blog simply speaking of the amazement and encouragement their example is to me. Maybe I will…another time…
The point is that I have seen in my own life that I am starting to lose momentum. Homework is piling up, sleep is inconsistent, and I’ve started to slide into the complacency of my schedule (meaning, if it’s not scheduled, I don’t do it or think about it). I need to be reminded of the purpose for why I’m doing this. I need to be reminded of the battle. Do you need a reminder? If so, read on…
Saturday evening I really needed some truth. Maybe it’s just a girl thing, but somehow in my mind, even if I do what I’m supposed to do, if I can still hear my flesh whispering in my head, I feel as though my obedience counts for nothing. I had gone to dinner on my own and on the way back, I felt a nudge from God to stop and invite a girl who has been coming to The Rock to come to church on Sunday.
Did I want to? No.
Did I think it would really matter if I stopped or not? No.
Did I stop? Yes.
Then, once I got back to my floor I passed the open door of another kid I knew I should stop and invite.
Did I want to? No.
Did I think it would really matter if I stopped or not? No.
Did I walk past his door, half way down the hall, and then turn around and go back? Yes.
Guys, the battle is still ON. My spirit and my flesh are at war. I suppose that is true every day, some days are just more obvious than others. And everything is such a contradiction. The answer, which I always presume to be “Work harder! Fight it more!” is really “Surrender, I’ve got this.” And part of surrendering for me is letting go of the façade. I don’t want you guys to know that I’m weak. I want to pretend that you don’t already know, haha. But, man, as hard as this is for my prideful, independent self to admit, I need your encouragement. Goodness! We all do—look at your roommates, look at your housemates, your fellow leaders—you may think that they are doing fine, that they are going strong…maybe you’re right. If you are, it certainly isn’t going to harm anything for you to give them some extra encouragement. But if you’re wrong, if they are hurting, not saying anything could cost us all, and the kingdom, a LOT.
Well folks, it’s not deep, it’s not intellectual, but it’s honest. If anything, I hope you know from reading this that you are not alone…
Now go out and hug somebody!
…just kidding.
Posted by Autumn at February 7, 2005 10:03 AM