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August 29, 2006
Semi-recent developments
After years of serving in my role as the Storms, then Friley female Fellowship team leader in the Rock, I've stepped out of that role. It has been an interesting few weeks since I have been back in Ames to say the least. I am not sure that I would have predicted this to be the case, however, it is what it is and I am confident that it is the Lord's leading in my life.
Let me back up and tell a bit of the story....
I left for SALT (Spiritual and life training) this summer in Chicago desiring to grow in two things in my life: resting in the Lord and tithing.
I saw minimal growth in these areas over the summer. It was trying and stretching for me to be sure, but I don't think the real work that God wanted to do in these areas of my life was done. Nevertheless, I came back to Ames excited and fired up about a few things. However, every time I tried to do anything about the things on my heart or would simply do the things necessary to carry out my responsibilities, I quickly became under a sort of spiritual attack. Nothing seemed to go right in my heart or in my circumstances.
This is not a phenomenon I usually experience when I am in the will of God in my life. So, I began to pray about it. It quickly became apparent to me that God wanted to do some refining work in my life, and for me to be able to focus in and allow him to do that work, I must step out of these things that are good things to do, however prove to be a major distraction to me from myself and the center of what is going on in my life.
I asked Tim for his blessing, as well as the blessings of my co-leaders. I talked to my team. And, it is finished. It's been a strange time of life for me already, just a little over a week after this decision was made. Sometimes I'm happy. sometimes I am afraid. I can honestly say that I have no idea what God is going to do with this time other than something truly amazing. My biggest prayer this summer was that God would expand the borders of my influence. I think this time is essential for him to be able to do that. myself and my impurities have been getting in the way of the refining work of god for much too long. I must decrease. He must increase....
Posted by Angelina at 12:30 AM | Comments (1)
August 17, 2006
The Down Low
So, it is true that the post amazing summer blues have hit me hard. I am glad to be home and back in Ames, but it continues to be a massive adjustment for me. Sometimes I walk around not knowing what I am doing. I miss the simplicity of my life this summer. Now I am aurrounded by people and relationships back in my large circle of life here, and I find myself not knowing exactly what to do at any given time. I often only see people at meetings 'cause I don't know who to call or what to do.
The wedding last week was a healthy diversion for me. But, it only seemed to prolong the inevitable. I worked hard and keep myself from thinking too much about what awaited me back in Ames again. I still ddn't talk to anyone over the weekend. I think I get so overwhelmed in large groups of people lately that i just shut down.
This week I find myself confronted with some major decisions about what my life and my ministry will look like this year. I feel like I'm tossed upon the waves of my emotions, and have been trying so desperately to slow down and hear from God. Tonight I think that I did for once hear from God since I've been back. It was at our All Leders' Kickoff Meeting. It was kind of cool. I guess I'll see what comes of that.
The meeting tonight was great, though. I feel like we as a 'church' are in a really good, humble, desperate place. God can meet us here, and I felt like He did at our prayer meeting. I feel bad for those who missed it. It was a great time of prayer. It made me miss this summer, but it was exhilirating to feel a glimpse of what I haven't felt for a week and a half now.
Posted by Angelina at 12:55 AM | Comments (1)
August 03, 2006
All Things Must Come to an End
It's true... the summer God has given me this year is almost over. Tonight we gathered as believers to share a report of what god has done in and through our lives this summer (inspired by Mark 6:30), and tomorrow we move furniture, and go buy decorations for closing ceremonies.
This has been the best summer of my life!
I think there are aspects that have been hard, and I know that God has not had this to be an easy summer for me, but I am so happy with it. I think all of my major insecurities and wounding were brought into the light, and I know that God is faithuflly with me and inviting me to believe that He is with me in this fallen world. I come back to Ames, with a much stronger sheild of faith around me... and I know that it will aid me in being more bold and vulnerable with my life.
I will miss this city, and the team I am with. Tonight Mark was talking about what he has learned from the church here. It took me a moment to realize that we are the church. It's true, God has given us all that we need in this small group of 16. When I left Ames and was trusting God with Mark 10, where is says that whoever gives up..... for my sake and for the Gospel will not fail to receive a hundred times as much in the present life and life to come. I left Ames giving up for a time all that was comfortable and familiar to me... and I came here to find so many blessings....
1. The Biang family... the month I stayed in their home was one of the most refreshing times I have had. It was not easy... there were tons of people, I had no privacy, and I had to commute to work every day. But, they took care of me, they welcomed me, they made me feel at home.
2. Fellow leaders... Mike, Pete (from ASU), Tom, & Jackie were there fighting every step of the way as we scrapped by to be one step ahead of where we were going this summer.
3. Chrisitne Baing... faithful & true, there were times I might have crumbled had she not been here to stand with me. Though, much to the surprise of many in Ames, she has brought out an interesting side of me. (chess, world war 2 obsession, computer war game playing)
4. Jessica Taylor... bunkmate from ASU. Loud. Crazy. Passionate. She saw the best and worst of me this summer, and has encouraged me to be loving shen I lacked love. She supplied us with an never-ending supply of coffee and carbonated beverages. She was a true blessing to my heart this summer.
5. Kaitlin Ochab... God brought her into my life to keep me young. I don't think it worked too well, but I had my moments this summer. We had breakthrough LTGs, though... even though we never got the reading done.
6. Jackie Biang... God has used Jackie to speak truth to me again and again this summer... helping me to remember what is unseen, to believe in God, and to get me excited about life. I think we both would rather have had each other's jobs this summer for SALT, but I'm glad we didn't. I don't think either one of us could have done our part without the other.
7. Prayer meetings... I can't explain them to anyone who wasn't there, but there is nothing that unites hearts together like praying.
8. My amazing city apartment... it's small. but it's nice.
9. speaking of the apartment.... our showerhead made showering a complete delight.... it was like 6 inches wide and it felt like you were under a waterfall.
10. Rest for my soul.
Well, it will be back to Ames soon enough, to our duplex on Colorrado Circle. I will miss it here, and am excited to see what I bring back with me....
Posted by Angelina at 12:18 AM | Comments (3)