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November 29, 2004
here it comes...
Okay, so here's the first post beauty school post...
I LOVE SCHOOL! I am, a beauty school nerd and I'm proud of it. Yeah, it sucks that I didn't have time off for the holiday, and that I only get the weekend off for Christmas, and it sucks that my time is occupied so much more than normal with school and work.
But, the truth is that I am HAPPY. I love what I"m doing. I waited around the last two years of my life for the next thing, and now finally... here I am, and it's right in front of me. It's funny because I wish that I would have gone and done cosmetology right away and can feel myself regretting the years I spent at ISU. But, it wasn't for nothing. I am so much different from the person I was six years ago, and only now am I ready to take on this career.
Cool story I must share with you guys though....
Right now we are learning hairstyling in school, and we conclude with doing special occasion styles at the end of the section in two weeks. The last day of that the class traditionally brings their old prom dresses and does their makeup and has a grand ole time. But, this year something special has come up.
Our class has the chance to practice our up dos on 30 young girls in grades 6-8 from an extremely low income area. These are girls who have not ever gone out to eat, much less to a hair salon. We are going to give them the red carpet treatmnt, doing their hair, make up and nails... and then their whole class gets to go out to Hickory Park for dinner for free. Isn't that AWESOME!?!
We have decided to go the extra step and make this a fun holiday party for the girls and are going to have treats and buy them some gifts as well. The school has decided that they would match every dollar donated to the cause to buy gifts for these girls. (if anyone is interested in helping us out, get in touch with my by friday)
I am super excited about this, as our educator was talking in class today I started to cry. Over the summer I really started to pray that if God was going to take me down this road that He would give me opportunities to serve women by being able to donate my services to them, in the long run being able to make them feel special even if just for an hour or so. It is my dream one day to be able to give makeovers to abused women, women leaving rehab centers, and quite possibly even homeless women as they enter the working world. I have a vision to be able to make these women feel different, feel better about themselves as they are overcoming obstacles and reaching new beginnings. It's a dream of mine that seemed so far off in the future, but even that dream isn't as far away as it once seemed. I feel so blessed by God right now in all of this, it's amazing.
Posted by Angelina at 11:41 PM | Comments (5)
November 13, 2004
Two years and two months...
Today is oh such a special day, it marks the end of working full-time at McDonald's!! Two years and two months, and the waiting is over... I start school on Monday. I'm not exactly sure what this means for my life, except for change. Right now I spend 40 hours a week with this crazy group of twenty-somethings all in different places in life, working this crazy stupid job... and now I'm going to spend that same 40 hours with a whole new set of people in a whole new set of circumstances. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time, but right now.... I'm mostly just glad that I only have to work 20 hours a week at McD's!!
Posted by Angelina at 03:37 PM | Comments (2)
November 10, 2004
Oh so exciting!
Okay, so if you haven't heard yet: I'm getting a new coat, just preparing to order it from old navy, and I'm so excited I had to share!
Posted by Angelina at 02:21 PM | Comments (6)
November 09, 2004
untitled
I long to find the way
to live at peace
with all this world has to say
knowing it doesn't matter
and living as me anyway.
There is a war in my soul,
the fight to seek true beauty.
I am attacked mercilessly;
deception is not far away.
It would be,
it could be so easy;
To take life,
to take this love into my own hands.
But I must defend all these advances
I long to seek You first
I long to live a life
deemed beautiful in Your sight
Help me, O Lord, to fight this fight,
to live for Your praise alone,
to possess the beauty
of those women of ol'
trusting and loving You
with a quiet and gentle soul...
Posted by Angelina at 03:23 PM | Comments (0)
November 08, 2004
lately
My mom ran into my high school journalism teacher, Mr Weisman, the other day and upon her telling me that I have found a renewed desire to write again...
Back where I come from I never quite felt accepted for who i was. As a younger kid I was picked on and teased, and as I went into junior high and high school I was pranked and mocked. I would be around people a lot because of various activities and whatnot. But, I never felt like I had true friends who would like me enough to do anything outside of all our school stuff. Yeah, I occasionally did things with people, and I would plan gatherings. But, I always felt like it had to be this big deal and that no one would just spend time with me to spend time with me.
As life has changed, and I have changed I've been able to tackle a lot of those fears and feel like I'm in a completely different place in life. But, just these past two weeks I have been brutally hit again with self-doubt. One of the guys I work with had started to constantly tease me, and began to hit the triggers of teasing me for being white and for not seeing very well...the very things I've been attacked for all my life.
It's been a rough couple of weeks for me. I find myself dreading going to work as I dreaded going to school my entire life. I lay in my bed in the morning thinking of ways that I could get out of having to go to work that day. I even find myself avoding calling my friends, and my family... not wanting to let anyone in who could hurt me more.
I feel like I'm back in Estherville and fourteen years old again. I don't like that feeling. I am a twenty-four year old Christian woman striving to give all I have for the Lord, and here I am doubting who I am, and how God could ever use someone like me. It's been tough now, with some many of these feelings having been absent from my life for the better part of five years. I thought that I had finally come to the point where I felt like I had victory over these feelings and that they were dying in my life... that they could never control me again.
Oh boy, was I wrong. There is still danger here. It's harder than ever now that I have a much more intimate relationship with God. I have been struggling to feel His protection in my life... it's been so hard for me to seek Him out and make Him my refuge and my strength. I've struggled with doubts of His goodness, and I've doubted whether or not I can trust him with my heart.
This are tough questions, they weigh on my so greatly. I'd like to say that I'm getting past all this now, that I'm gaining perspective on it all, but I know that just saying that doesn't mean much...it's still going to be there. I know I'm not in such a pitiful place as I was even a week ago, and for that I am thankful. Today I even had a good day at work, the first in weeks.
I still don't really know what exactly God wants me to learn from all of this, nor do I understand His resoning behind it. But, I try to remember that this pain is for a purpose and that He is trying to build my life on a solid foundation... obviously these lies still affect my view of myself and those around me, and God wants to refine this in me. But oh this refining fire burns in me.
One good thing that's coming from it all is that I'm learning to write again. And, I wrote poetry for the first time in years last week. My writing was always an outlet of my emotion, and it's been good to be able to sit down and just let it go...
Posted by Angelina at 11:34 PM | Comments (2)
Attach of the spam
For those of you who might be excited, I don't mean Spam the canned processed meat food, but rather comment spam. Yes, it has happened to me to. Sorry for the annoyance for those faithful of the blog readers, but realistically, it's probably more annoying to me because I had to delete all of it.
Stay tuned for an actual blog entry soon, but not now...
Posted by Angelina at 05:02 PM | Comments (0)