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April 30, 2004
Tomorrow
"Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"
-Anne of Green Gables
Ah, yes, tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day in which I will start to kiep my room clean, tomorrow is the day in which I will make my bed each morning, tomorrow is the day I will get up early, tomorrow has always been and will always be to me a day of new beginnings, or is it?
I think tomorrow more often than not in my life is a day filled with promises of trying to get it right. I remember how I always used to tell my mom that I would clean my room "tomorrow." I think that worked once, maybe twice, I don't know.
Any time I make a resolution to change, especially in an area I 'should' change, I resolve to start tomorrow. Why not today? Hmm. I don't know. I think I like the idea of one last bit of freedom from whatever it is that I ought to be doing, I don't know.
But, tomorrow I think I will start doing things today.
Posted by Angelina at 02:39 PM | Comments (3)
April 29, 2004
MY VERSION OF A TOP TEN
10 reasons I hate working at McD's in the springtime...
10. It's gettin' HOT! Why does EVERY piece of equipment have to produce heat?
9. Sweating so much that salt sticks to your skin.
8. Everyone else gets to wear shorts & capris, why can't I?
7. Old hairy guys somehow decide they can come through a drive-thru without a shirt on....ewe.
6. Everyone is going to class again, so we're actually busy.
5. The hotcakes guy is back from his vacation, and fiesty from not killing my morning happieness in a couple months.
4. The dollar menu is going nowhere, and I"m going to have to make double cheeseburgers all summer too...
3. Hearing the same songs on the same radio while looking at the same people, making the same sandwich, and wishing that for once a new song would come out that I would love, then learn to hate, but knowing that I'm simply wishing more misery on myself.
2. The "I'm lovin' it" jokes have gone too far by now...
1. The distinct aroma of pickles and onions that never leave your hands (well, theat's pretty much number one all year 'round).
But, at least school will be out in a week, and my job will get a lot easier when no one is on campus....
Posted by Angelina at 01:58 PM | Comments (4)
April 28, 2004
Congratulations....
Congratulations are in order to Elizabeth for being a general all around concerned friend and for being the 100th commentor on my blog! Thanks for stoppin' by! Keep the comments flowing everyone.
Sorry for the general lack of material this week, it has been pretty dull. I have watched about three movies, slept aproximately 30 hours, and well, you probably don't want to know what else I've been doing. But, there hasn't been much time for inner reflection or deep thought, let's put it that way.
All in all, I started to feel better yesterday, my mom called, Paul stopped by, and so did Luke, so it wasn't too bad of a day even though I was sick. I went to work today, but had to come home early. I think I was trying to bite off more than I could chew by being on my feet for more than four hours on the first go 'round.
Anyway, I'll be hiding out the rest of the day, call, stop by, leave a message, I'll probably be going nuts in an hour or two.
Posted by Angelina at 02:54 PM | Comments (2)
April 27, 2004
sick day!
For what ti's worth, I'm sick...and it kind of sucks. I think the worst is that there are things I would LIKE to be doing, and it's so nice out, I just don't have the energy. Bummer.
Posted by Angelina at 03:36 PM | Comments (1)
April 26, 2004
Pray for me, please
If you see this today, can you stop to pray for me? I have just had a rough couple of days and am battling some tough insecurities right now. Pray, if you will, for God to show me truth...that I would feel it in my heart, and not just know it in my head.
Posted by Angelina at 01:05 AM | Comments (5)
April 24, 2004
the awkward phase
Explain to me this...why do relationships have that awkward phase? You know, the one one where you really don't know what to do or say to someone. You are completely at a loss for how to treat them, but it's really awkward because it hasn't always been that way, and it more than likely will not be forever, it's just a phase, and it's plain awkward. O that I were as wise as Adam O and be able to embrace my awkward experiences, but let's face it...I want to run. For example, this friend of mine... Everything is normal. Then, the phase begins... I find myself in a social setting with this person and have no idea what to do. Someone I can NORMALLY talk to easily has become this person that I stumble over my words around and end up just plain ignoring 'cause I"m not really sure what to say or do. What IS that about anyway? I'm probably just psycho, but does anyone out there ever sense this??
Posted by Angelina at 01:09 AM | Comments (1)
April 23, 2004
just a little thing...
So, today I did a little thing....that means a whole lot. I got myself into some financial trouble back a couple years ago. I am still no financial whiz. But, today I was able, for the first time, to actually open a checking account again. While I was at it...I opened a savings account as well. I just feel free now, like I can actually pay bills easily...like other people, and that I can actually save money where I won't spend it on a whim.
Posted by Angelina at 04:36 PM | Comments (1)
April 22, 2004
My Retreat
So, I went on this retreat with God....and it was awesome. I don't think I ever wrote about it, and i"ve been thinking back about it today, so I thought I'd share.
Where did I go? McCallsburg, IA to the former home of Micah Satren's grandmother that is now sitting there with no one living in it. It was a cool place...it's funny how everyone's grandma's house is pretty much the same.
How long was I gone? I left Friday after work and came back Sunday morning in time for church.
What did I do? Oh, general girl stuff to tell you the truth....
--Friday night, I familiarized myself with the house, unpacked, and spent some time reading the Word. I journaled for a little bit, then fell asleep. I must confess that I went to bed EARLY....like 9 p.m. or something like it.
--Saturday morning, I got up, read the Word, finished my journal.
--Saturday afternoon, I took a bath, then watched a movie.
--Saturday evening, I took a call from someone in Ames, talked for awhile, then went on a prayer walk along the railroad tracks and watched the sun set. I then spent the rest of the evening writing a letter to myself from God from all the verses that have impacted my life over the past year or so.
--Saturday night, I was up late writing, read Song of Songs, and went to bed.
--Sunday morning, I spent time in the Word, got ready for church, packed up, locked up and left.
What did you learn? Mostly, I learned that God does love me. I felt so close to God, so close that I didn't want to leave. As I was praying though, I began to realize that I need to learn to feel that closeness in the day to day activities of life. Yeah, God can whisk me away, but the truth is that He loves me that much every day.
Side note: Upon further critic of my journal, I realized that I had taken a spiritual retreat EXACTLY one year...to the day...prior to this retreat. So, I think I might go with that, and plan to spend some time alone with God again next April 10.
Posted by Angelina at 07:38 PM | Comments (1)
April 21, 2004
Best Game Evar...
I think one of the most fun things that I have done in recent weeks has been shooting a bit of target practice with two blow guns, several pop cans and bottles, and Becky Gribble. Enough said. I hope you understand that I will now be returning to said game as we are having a bit of competition and I am not about to quit while I'm losing...
Posted by Angelina at 09:48 PM | Comments (0)
April 20, 2004
One Year...
In January, I decided...well, God put it on my heart...to give a year of my life solely to pursusing a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him. (This meaning that if anyone were to pursue me right now, I would have to say no, that this year of my life is devoted to Christ.)
So, it's been four and a half months, and it has been crazy! I don't think that I have ever in my life struggled so badly with wanting to be married, but I keep on. I have been trying to take all of my thoughts, and all of my daydreams and ask God to teach me more about himself through them. I even went away last weekend, at my wit's end, wanting nothing more than to love God and to be loved by God. It has been rewarding beyond belief! There is so much about my relationship with God that I feel is this secret thing right now...that no one would understand. It's so private, so intimate that I love it!
Chaos is all around me, but it seems to be okay, like I know it's all going to work out 'cause God is in it with me. What a feeling. Now, truth be told I"m human, and that's not how I feel ALL the time, but it's how I feel today and a lot of the yesterdays lately.
Posted by Angelina at 06:46 PM | Comments (3)
April 19, 2004
a bad blogger...
I guess you know you're a bad blogger when your most recent entry is in the archives. I opened up to a blank page today and realized that I am startlingly inconsistent. Thus is my life, and a downfall of being an extrovert.
In other news...
...We were safe in the midst of the riots, though I"m glad we're moving off of Hunt St. next year....
...I very much enjoyed my retreat with God this Easter weekend...
...I had dinner with my mom and Amanda last week..
...I"m looking forward to this summer, 'cause Ames is going to be one laid back place to be...
I guess that's all for now, and I"ll look to be more consistent in the future, but don't hold your breath. I"m sorry. I DO try SO hard!
Posted by Angelina at 11:50 PM | Comments (5)
April 09, 2004
a rest...
...I am going away with God to rest...and I am very happy! This weekend is all about me and God. I'll be back in time for church on Sunday, but I'll have all of tonight and tomorrow, and tomorrow night just me and the Big Guy. What a feeling, what a feeling!
I am sorry for the succedeing statement and if they make any of my male readers cringe....but I must say that I have been at my wit's end, and I feel like God is wisking me away this weekend on a romantic getaway with him. That's cheezy, and all, I konw. But, it's true, so very true.
So, you can pray for me, and my time if you like. I am taking a well-deserved sabbatical this weekend.
Posted by Angelina at 10:18 AM | Comments (5)
April 06, 2004
A question...
Last week was one busy with blogging. It seemed like almost everyone posted at least every other day, with Powers and Biang posting above their normal rate of nothing. Ah, but this week, so far, nothing. I pose this question...Is it due to lack of motivation in response to no new rankings, or just a sunny week where no one, but no one wants to be inside?
Posted by Angelina at 02:51 PM | Comments (3)
random thoughts
My thoughts in no particular order...
...I love spring, we went outside today and laid in the sun (and it's not strong enough to burn me yet)...
...I bought the new Norah Jones album...
...I hate planning parties, I think it's in my unstructured nature to hate planning to have fun...
...I am trying to figure out how to have a retreat with God without spending money and while being completely alone...
...My room is a mess, I really need to do something about it...
...I just don't have the time to really worry about it now...
...I decided that Heather needs a marshmallow vest, 'cause she'd look dang cute in it...
...I'm not really sure why I'm thinking about any of this.
Posted by Angelina at 12:02 AM | Comments (1)
April 03, 2004
a break and a baby shower
Hopefully this weekend I will get a break! It's been a long couple of weeks in my life, and I'm excited about the weekend. Today is Kirsten's baby shower...it's amazing, she's having a baby. Then, after that...nothing. I've nothing planned, and hope to do just that, so we'll see...
Posted by Angelina at 11:33 AM | Comments (0)
April 02, 2004
Seattle II: Lessons Learned...
We had not been in Seattle for more than twelve hours when I was ready to jump in the van and head for home. But, I must admit that God knew what he was doing when he took us out there. I think had we been any closer to Kansas City, and the other team I know that I personally would have manipulated every circumstance I could to be with Becky and everyone else. But, there would be none of that when we had just driven 30 hours in a van that was currently broken down!
So, we stayed. God taught me a couple of things.
First was my need to pray. There was nothing I could do, but pray, and it felt good. I have seen God answer so many prayers in the past month simply because I have been so dependant upon Him to answer them. There has been no choice, I have been desperate and God knows.
Second, God reassured me that I could stay involved in people's lives despite distance. I have been pretty anxious this semester because so many of my closest friends are going to Chicago for the summer. I feel like I'm going to be completely on the outside of their lives, and that somehow we will grow apart. But, the thing is that somehow God brought me closer to the women I was separated from during spring break. How does that work? I'm not sure. But, I know that the future is going to be all right.
And lastly, I have been learning to take my own spiritual gifts for what they are, and not to covet the more 'glamorous' gifts, if you will. It's always hard for me when it comes to evangelism. Yes, I've been to two LT's, and have been on several spring break trips. I have been around, and I know what I’m doing. But, the thing is: I'm no good at talking to random people. I try and I try, but I have never figured out how to be an excellent evangelist. Sure, I can serve, I can help, and some say that I am wise, but so often I place little to no value in my gifts. I want to be the one who sees person after person turn their life over to Christ; I want to have that kind of impact in winning people to the kingdom. In my life, and relationships I know that I do have an impact, but I'm often jealous for the skill or the gifting of others. I've been learning to be content, and to embrace who I have been created to be.
As I look back on the trip, I am glad for what God did in my own heart. I pray that our efforts had an eternal impact. And, I am thankful for the boldness and blind ambition it took to get us out there.
Posted by Angelina at 02:02 PM | Comments (0)
April 01, 2004
Seattle I: finally!
I love cities...I don't know why, but I do. I think it's the kind of anonymity that you can have on the city streets that I could never have back in the small town where I come from. Seattle was no exception.
We got there, everything was green and smelled of springtime. It was wonderful. It wasn't too cold, nor does it ever get too hot. The sun never came out while we were there, but it didn't bother me quite so much...somehow it was still bright and happy outside, far from the dreary cloudy days in Iowa.
And, one afternoon...it rained. It wasn't like rain I've known before...and it smelled so sweet. I have never been so happy walking door to door in the rain before.
The city itself was amazing. I felt like I could have gotten lost for days and days, just discovering all there was to see. And, the suburbs were great. The people were so nice. More than once, we got caught in conversation with someone at their doorstep. Who does that in the Midwest? Here we're so dang annoyed by people we just want to get rid of them.
I think the thing that surprised me the most was how diverse of a town it seems to be. People of all ages, all races were along the same street, in the same places. I'm sure that's not the case everywhere in the city, but it was refreshing. It was almost like a brochure...you know, where they wanted to appeal to everyone, so they purposely diversified the people. Not like here where all the white kids are together, and so are all the Asians, and African-Americans. It's kind of sad to me.
I guess I fell in love with that city...it felt like a hometown should feel. maybe someday I'll get to go back for a visit or longer...
Posted by Angelina at 02:47 PM | Comments (2)
Change
It's interesting what you don't really know about yourself until your friends tell you...
I really don't like change. I'm not sure why, but if it happens and I'm not a part of it, I just don't know what to do with myself. Take for instance: my living room.
Over the weekend, Dan, Micah, Michelle, and Laura (Micah's sisters) rearranged our living room. I came home Sunday afternoon, and was appalled. I didn't know what to do with myself. I seriously was so upset that I almost spent a significant amount of time turning it back to the way it used to be. I took every opportunity I could to tell everyone that I did not like it. I did not want anyone to think that I supported this rapid change without my input. I believe that I may have used many expletives in my attempts to be explicative about my feelings regarding this issue.
But, everyone sort of laughed at me and said, "Yeah, I knew you wouldn't like it. You don't do well with change."
What?!? Me, not do well with change? I was shocked, horrified, they couldn't be right! Well...maybe they could be.
I must confess: I am no good with change. I get genuinely upset when they stop making my favorite lipstick…I’m just that way.
And, I must go on record to note that after a few days…I have decided that I do like the living room. I am sorry I ever doubted the talent and expertise that went into making it a reality.
Posted by Angelina at 12:20 AM | Comments (3)